



* A, _jfc 



..i^^X/- 






;* ^^'% 




A FARCICAL COMEDY IN 
THREE ACTS 

BY 
LEO DIETRICHSTEIN 



Copyright, 1901, by Emanuel Lederer and 
Carl Herrmann 



All Rights Reserved 



CAUTION: Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned 
that "ARE YOU A MASON?", being fully protected 
under the copyright laws of the United States of Amer' 
ica, Great Britain, the Dominion of Canada, and in all 
countries subscribing to the Bern Convention, is subject 
to a royalty, and anyone presenting the play without the 
consent of the owners or their authorized agents will be 
liable to the penalties by law provided. Applications for 
the amateur acting rights must be made to Samuel French, 
25 West 45th Street, New York, N. Y. Applications 
for the professional acting rights must be made to 
Charles Frohman, Inc., Empire Theatre Bldg., New 
York, N. Y. 



New York 

SAMUEL FRENCH 

Publisher 

25 West 45th Street 



London 
SAMUEL FRENCH, Ltd. 
26 Southampton Street 

Strand 



T 



"'Are Tou a Mason ? " 
All Rights Reserved 



Especial notice should be taken that the possession of 
this book without a valid contract for production first 
having been obtained from the publisher, confers no right 
or license to professionals or amateurs to produce the play 
publicly or in private for gain or charity. 

In its present form this play is dedicated to the reading 
public only, and no performance, representation, produc- 
tion, recitation, or public reading, or radio broadcasting 
may be given except by special arrangement with Samuel 
French, 25 West 45th Street, New York. 

This play may be presented by amateurs upon payment 
of a royalty of Twenty-Five Dollars for each performance, 
payable to Samuel French, 25 West 45th Street, New 
York, one week before the date when the play is given. 

Whenever the play is produced the following notice must 
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play: "Produced by special arrangement with Samuel 
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any infringement of the author's rights, as follows: 

"Section 4966: — Any person publicly performing or rep- 
resenting any dramatic or musical composition for which 
copyright has been obtained, without the consent of the 
proprietor of said dramatic or musical composition, or his 
heirs and assigns, shall be liable for damages thereof, such 
damages, in all cases to be assessed at such sum, not less 
than one hundred dollars for the first and fifty dollars for 
every subsequent performance, as to the court shall appear 
to be just. If the unlawful performance and representation 
be wilful and for profit, such person or persons shall be 
guilty of a misdemeanor, and upon conviction shall be im- 
prisoned for a period not exceeding one year." — U. S. 
Revised Statutes: Title 60, Chap. 3. 



^ 






DRAMATIS PERSONAE AND ORIGINAL CAST OF 

AEE YOU A MASON I 

As Presented By 

MESSRS. RICH AND HARRIS 

at Wallack*s Theatre, New York City, 

Monday Evening, April 1, 1901 

George Fishee Leo Dietrichstein 

Stock broker, formerly actor 

Frank Perry John C, Rice 

His friend. 

AMOS BL0ODG0OD„ Thomas A, Wise 

Of Rockford, 111., Perry's father-in-law 

John Halton George Richards 

A gentleman farmer from up State 

Hamilton Travers ^ Arnold Daly 

Doortender 'at a cabaret 

Ernest Morrison Cecil De Mille 

A young architect 

Policeman Charles Greene 

Mrs. Caroline Bloodgood. May Robson 

Eva peSry) "] ^^^ Esther Tittell 

Annie [daughters Nellie Butler 

Lulu J Jeunette Northern 

Mrs. Halton .Charlotte Lambert 

Halton's wife 

Lottie Sally Cohen 

Cook to the Perrys 

Fanchon Armitage Amy Muller 

A cloak model at Mme. Jolivet's 

Place of Action -.—Perry's apartment in New 

York City, 
Time: — Friday in the forenoon, Act I. 

Saturday in the afternoon, Acts II and 
III. 
Produced under the stage direction of 
Mr. Leo Dietrichstein 



ARE YOU A MASON ? 

Description of Characters 

George Fisher 

Good looking young fellow of about 28. 
Bright and snappy and brimming over with 
good humor. Must be of the size which will 
permit him to masquerade convincingly as a 
girl. 

Frank Perry 

Tall, good-looking man of 30. Must be quite 
serious although played with a light touch. 

Amos Bloodgood 

A fatj jolly old fellow between 55 and 60. 
Very effervescent and full of fun. Grey 
hair and mid-western clothes. 

John Halton 

A typical old "rube" of the husky type. Same 
age as Amos. Fairly loud clothes. 

Hamilton Travers 

Old-time actor. Out-at-elbows clothing. Long 
grey hair. Clean shaven face with marks of 
dissipation. Age 55 to 60. Very grand in 
manner. 

Ernest Morrison 

A very serious, good-looking young fellow of 
25. Dressed in up-to-the-minute New York 
clothes. 

Policeman 
A burly, loud-voiced New York policeman in 
uniform. 



Mrs. Caroline Bloodgood 

A portly, dignified middle-western woman 
who plainly shows she is boss of the house. 
She is never harsh but merely a person born 
to command. She is about 55. She is ex- 
tremely proud of her husband's Masonic 
connections and over solicitous for his wel- 
fare. 

Eva Perry 

A beautiful, tall, radiant young wife of 
about 25. Dressed in the height of fashion. 
'Sweet, loving and trustful. She plainly 
shows that she adores her husband. 

Annie 

A sweet, healthy, enthusiastic young girl 
from the West. Age 21. 

Lulu 

Same as Annie. Age 19. 

Mrs. Halton 

A buxom farmer's wife. Age 55, 

Lottie 

A typical Irish servant girl of 35, Very 
snappy and impertinent 

Fanchon Armitage 

A French girl of 25. Must be same height 
and a duplicate in appearance to Fisher 
when he is made up as a girl. 



ARE YOU A MASON? 

ACT 1 

(Sitting-room in Perry's house according to 
scene plot. Lively music to take up curtain,) 
(When curtain rises, PERRY enters from R. I.) 
Perry (spick and span as if he had just fin- 
ished dressing) . Lottie, bring my breakfast in 
here. (Perfumes his handkerchief with a 
spray, which he takes from mantel up L.) 

(Enter Lottie from r. 2.) 

Lottie, Mr. Morrison wishes to see you sir. 
Perry (up c). 'Show him in and hurry up 
with breakfast. 
Lottie. What ! ! ! 
Perry. Please. 
Lottie. Very well, sir. 

(Exit R. 2.) 

Perry (looks at his watch). Phew! (Half- 
past eleven. 

(Enter MORRISON.) 

Morrison. Hello, Perry! (they meet c, 
shake hands) . 

Perry. Hello, Morrison ! How are you ? How 
are you getting on with the plans? 

Morrison. You can see for yourself — I've 
brought them with me. (Unrolls them as he 
crosses and places them on table R.) 

Perry (goes to head of table with him) . Well, 
I must say that was quick work. (Looking at 
them.) Very good^ — ^very practical — -just what 
I want, 

7 



8 ARE YOUAMA'SO'N? 

Morrison. I'm glad you're satisfied. I sup- 
pose you want us to begin work lat once. This 
is the most favorable time for building. 

Perry (at table Rj I dare say. Between 
you and me, Morrison, I haven't the necessary 
cash just at present, but I have half a promise 
f rocm my father-in-law to advance the fifteen or 
twenty thousand dollars it will cost to build the 
extension. 

Morrison. Then why not go ahead with the 
v/ork ? I am sure we can get the permit from 
the building department. 

Perry. I know. What we need is a permit 
from my mother-in-law — -she is the exchequer 
of the family. (Looking over plans.) 

Morrison. Mrs. Bloodgood? 

Perry. Precisely, 

Morrison. What kind of a woman is Mrs. 
Bloodgood ? 

Perry. Morrison, if you must m'arry— marry 
an ■orphan. (Rise and go c.) 

Morrison (laughs). And I was bent on be- 
coming your brother-in-law. 

Perry. Sorry I spoke. (Goes R.) Which one 
of the blossoms is it? 

Morrison. Lulu. (Going to c.) 

Perry. , V/hen did that happen ? 

Morrison. During their last visit. It was a 
case of love at first sight. 

Perry. You have my sympathy. Well— er — 
what do you want me to do? You surely have 
some reason for confiding in me. 

(Enter Lottie with breakfast tray R.2.) 

Morrison. Exactly. Lulu wrote to me of 
the possibility of their coming to town early in 



ARE YOU A MASON? 9 

the autumn. Of course you are going to enter- 
tain them, and I want to tell you that I am going 
to keep all my time open for your dinners, sup- 
pers and theatre parties Don't be bashful, you 
can invite me as often as you like. 

Perry. Thank you. (Shakes his hand. Cross 
to sofa R.) 

iMORRiSON. Don't mention it. And about the 
plans? (Goes c, tvith plans.) 

Perry (sits at table), I'll let you know as 
soon as I hear from our mother-in-law. 

Morrison, (c.) Is that your breakfast? 

Perry. What do you think it is — my supper? 

Morrison (laughs). Rather late— I'm al- 
most ready for my luncheon. Good-bye, old 
man. (Going from c. up to door R.) Don't for- 
get me. 

(Exit R. 2.) 

Perry. All right, I won't. What is this? 
(Takes coffee and makes face.) Is this coffee? 
— ^tastes like dish-water. (Tastes again.) Are 
you sure you haven't made a mistake? 

Lottie. Well, Mr. Perry, whin I gets break- 
fast ready for eight o'clock, and it's twelve 
o'clock whin ye ate it, ye must be prepared. 
This is the fifth toime this morning that I've 
warmed up this blessed coffee. 

Perry. It tastes like it. 

Lottie. . Sure, an it's a shame the way things 
is goin' on here — turnin' night into day and day 
into night. I do be feelin' ashamed fur livin' 
in this house — me, that's all me loif e has work- 
ed fur respectable folks. (Goes L.) 

Perry. You can pack your things and go — ^ 
(Eise to R. Corner.) 



10 AKE YOU A MASON? 

Lottie. I won*t pack. I won't go — ^now make 
me. 

Perry. I'm master in my own house. 

LfOTTlE. I was sent here by Mrs. Bloodgood 
and I will stay until she gives me my notice. 
You want to get rid of me because I'm on to 
your little games. While I think of it, you can 
dine out — I'm in no humour to cook. 

(Fisher has appeared at Entrance R. 2.) 

Fisher. Hallo, Frank! 

Perry. Hallo! (Shake hands,) 

Fisher. Don't let me interrupt you, Lottie. 
(Cross to c.) 

Lottie. 'Terrupt me, is it? Do ye suppose 
I'd be lettin' meself 'terrupted by the loikes of 
ye? 

Fisher. Why Lottie dear ! 

Lottie. Don't ye dear me, sorr. 

Fisher, (bows). I beg your pardon, Madam. 

Lottie. Ye can't fool me, sorr — you're one of 
thim kind too. 

Fisher. What kind? 

Lottie. It is you that is leadin' married men 
asthray. 

Perry. Meaning me? 

Fisher. Why. Lottie, you are worse than a 
mother-in-law. 

Lottie. That's what I am, sure enough — 
least-ways I stand in the place of one here. 

Fisher. Don't be cross, Loittie. (Passes his 
arm round her waist.) 

Lottie. Hands off. (Goes to back of table 
R. leans over and speaks threateningly to 
Perry.; 
Just wait till yer wife gets home, Mr. Perry. I 



ARE YOU A MASON? 11 

say no more, but (thumps table) just wait! 

Fisher. (To Feruy). Yes, jist wait till your 
wife comes borne, we'll tell on ye — ^won't we 
Lottie? 

Lottie, Oh ye — ^jumpin' jack! 

«• (Exit R. 2) 

(Two men laugh.) 

Perry. Have some coffee? 

Fisher. Yes, I think I will. (Comes down.) 

Perry. No, I'm a friend of yours. Don't 
touch it. 

Fisher. Just like mother used to make. 

Perry. Yes I I always take tea. 

Fisher. Was that altercation with your ser- 
vant part of your daily routine ? (Sits on chair 
L. of R. table.) 

Perry. I didn't get much of it this morning 
— ^you got some; sorry you didn't come a little 
sooner, you might have got it all. 

Fisher. Oh, I don't mind, but how can you 
put up with it? Why don't you give her her 
walking papers? 

Perry. Can't. She's a wedding present. It's 
bad luck to part with one's wedding gifts. 

(Sits R. of table.) 

Fisher. Who was the generous giver? 

Perry. My mother-in-law. She wanted to 
give my wife a diamond necklace and a tiara, 
but she gave us Lottie instead. 

Fisher. Well, mother-in-law or no mother- 
in-law, I'd send her flying so fast 

Perry. So would I — but I cant just at pres- 



12 ARE YOU A MASON? 

ent. I'm going to build. 

Fisher. What's that got to do with it? 

Perry. I want to borrow about $20,000 from 
my father-in-law. 

Fisher. Your father-in-law? 

Perry. When I say father-in-law I really 
mean mother-in-law, because she signs the 
checks. 

Fisher. Speaking of mothers-in-law reminds 
me of the cause of my visit. (Rises.) Frank, I 
am on the best road of becoming your brother- 
in-law and I came to ask you 

Perry (looks at him). Not to be too scarce 
with my invitations to dinners, suppers and 
theatre parties when the girls come to town? 

Fisher, (surprised). Are they coming to 
to^^oi ? (Sits in chair.) 

Perry. Didn't Annie write to you- ? 

Fisher. Annie ! How do you know it is An- 
nie? 

Perry, (giving himself airs). Oh, I am a 
mind reader. 

Fisher. Then without any preliminaries — 
it is a case of love at first sight. 

Perry. That seems to be running in the 
Bloodgood family. 

Fisher. We corresponded — -about three 
weeks ago she stopped answering my letters. I 
got worried and went out to Rockford. 

Perry. Rockford ? 

Fisher. I called on the Bloodgoods — ^the 
ladies were out. I called again — ^same thing. I 
wrote-— my letter was returned. Just as I left 
the house for the fifth time I ran into the mana- 
ger of the local opera house. He recognized 
me. (Smiles consciously ; PERRY smiles with 
Mm.) I had played there once with one of the 



ARE YOU A MASON? 13 

*'Chiarley*s Aunt" companies. 

Perry. You were a pretty bad actor, but you 
did play that part all rigiit. 

Fisher (ironically hoivs) Thanks! 

Perry. Not at all. (Bows) You were the 
best Aunt I ever saw. 

Fisher. Well, that Aunt was the cause of my 
undoing. 

Perry. How's that? 

Fisher. Annie had told her father and moth- 
er about me — ^the old man casually mentioned 
my name to the manager— he told them of my 
histrionic past — ^and the old folks declared they 
wanted no "play actors'' in their family. ''Cur- 
tain." (Gesture of curtain coming down.) 

Perry. But you are a stock-broker now. 

Fisher. That's what I tried to tell them, but 
they would not see me and returned my letters 
un-opened. What shaH I do ? (Rises, goes to c.) 

Perry, (rises, goes to R.^. The girls are com- 
ing to town soon. I'll see what I can do for you. 

Fisher. ("R.c.^. Oh, thank you — you take a 
load from my heart ! Frank, I really love Annie. 
She's a darling. 

Perry. By the way, who was the girl I saw 
you with at the 'Ritz the other night? 

Fisher (brightly). Wasn't she sweet ? She's 
a French girl. 

Perry (sternly). You'll have to stop taking 
French girls out to supper if you want to be- 
come my brother-in-law. (With entire change 
of manner, quickly and eagerly.) What did you 
say her name was? 

Fisher. Fanchon Armitage — -she's a cloak 
model at Madame Jolivet's, 51st street- I say, 
have you lanything to drink in the house besides 
that coffee? I'm thirsty. 



14 ARE YOU A MASON ? 

Perry. You^l find something in there, old 
man. (Points to door R.i.) 

(Fisher exits into room, leaves door open.) 

Perry (takes pocket book from pocket, puts 
down address). Panchon Armitage, Madame. 
Joli vet's 51st street. (Loudly.) George, I want 
you to promise me that you won't see that girl 
again. 

Fisher. (Off r.i.;. I won't. On my word. 

CLottie enters R. 2.) 

Lottie. A gentleman whose name is Travers 
to see you, sir. 

Perry. Show him in. 

Lottie. What! ! ! 

Perry. Please. CLottie stands aside up R.) 
(Enter Travers r.2. He is a man of 55 or 

60, cleanshaven, unmistakeahle type of a 

palmy-day actor on the downward grade. 

Lottie exits r.2.) 

Travers. Sir, allow me to assure you of my 
most distinguished consideration. (Looks 
around.) No wives or mothers-in-law about ? 

Perry. No., (Disgusted surprise.) Why? 

Travers. Then everything's all right — ^you 
needn't worry. 

Perry. Worry? Why should I? 

Travers. If I were a married man I'd worry. 

Fisher (coming in with the whiskey bottle, 
breezily) Hallo, Ham! What are you doing 
here? 

Travers (with dignity). Oh, how are you, 
George? 

Perry (to Fisher^. Who's your friend? 

Fisher (r.) . Mr. Hamilton Travers, once a 
celebrated tragedian ; now doorman at a caba- 



ARE YOU A MASON ? 15 

ret. (Crosses to front of table,) 

Travers (h.c. sees bottle). Ah, George, this 
is most thoughtful of you. (Takes whiskey bot- 
tle and glass from Fisher.^ Circumstances over 
which I have no control — ^^Thank you, sir. 
(Pours out a stiff drink and gulps it down.) 
Very good— I need not go into details about the 
cause — 

Perry (Crossing to R.c, takes bottle from 
him.) You needn't sir. 

Travers. (c). I was too spiritual (look- 
ing at bottle, etc., regretfully.) 

Perry (looks pointedly at bottle). Very like- 
ly. Kindly state your business. 

Travers. With pleasure. Er — may I first 
trouble you for another drop of that delicious 
aquaviva? 

Perry. Here, but hurry up, please. (Pours 
drink out, Travers holding glass.) 

(Travers drinks, puts glass on table.) 

Perry (looks suspiciously at bottle, smells it 
— aside to Fisher^. Good Heavens! You got 
hold of the bayrum bottle. 

Travers, Ah ! This is better than most of the 
stuff one gets nowadays. There is some sub- 

0+ Q •*-> pp +/-V 4-]^ 1 a 

Fisher (Smells bottle.) Well, I'll he^(Takes 
bottle,) 

(Exits R.i.) 

Perry. Now to your business, sir. 

Travers. You left (produces card case, holds 
it up) this in box C last night. 

Perry, My card case! How did you know 
it belonged to me? 

Travers. From the cards in it! 



16 ARE YOU A MASON? 

Perry. If I remember rightly, there was 
some money in it, (pause, then emphatically), 

Travers. And on one of the cards — your 
card — was written an invitation to Miss Trixie 



Perry. I see. Well I'm very much obliged to 
iyou. Here — (Offers him two dollars). 

Travers. (Dratving back haughtily) Par- 
"don me sir. But a gentleman never accepts 
remuneration for a service rendered another 
gentlemen. Good morning. (To Fisher ivho 
has re-entered.). Oh! George. Couldst let me 
have ten dollars until salary day? 

Fisher. Certainly (produces bills, looks 
them over). My blessing! 

Travers. Thanks George. I'll bring it to your 
office. 

Fisher. Keep it. 

Perry. He'll keep it. 

Travers. Oh! Charming young ladies you 
had with you Mr. Perry. The little blonde was 
inclined to flirt a bit. 

Perry. (Angrily). Say 

Travers. Oh ! Not the one next to you — who 
was Mrs. Perry, I presume. No— the one with 
the taffy colored hair- 

Perry, Get out^ — — 

Travers. Kindly remember me to her. Gen- 
tlemen—good morning. (Exits R.2.) 

Perry. The idea of being in the hands of 
that old blackmailer makes me shiver. I wish 
my wife were home. I'm not made for a fast 
life. (Sits sofa h.) 

Fisher. You seem to stand it pretty well. 

Perry. By the way, George — I must tell you 
— we got run in last night. (Rises, goes to Fish- 
er.; 



ARE YOU A MASON? 17 

Fisher. How did tbat happen? 

Perry. Well, one of the fellows didn't know 
when he had enough and insisted on giving an 
open-air performance in the street. 

Fisher. Did it draw? 

Perry. Have you ever seen a free show that 
didn't? 

(Fisher sits table rJ 

(Go to desk. Bus. with letters,) Unfortunate- 
ly, a policeman v^as among the audience — ^he 
enjoyed it as much as the rest. But when she'd 
finished he said the Sergeant at the station was 
longing for company — so he gathered us in. 

Fisher (laughs,) By Jove, did you have to 
stay at the station all night? 

Perry. No, I got bailed out. To morrow I'll 
go down to the police court with my lawyer, 
pay the fine — ^and, that's the end of it. (Looks 
at letter.) Oh—from my wife — excuse me ? 

Fisher. I'll trot. (Rises, starts to go,) 

Perry. Wait a minute. (Reading.) 

Fisher. Good news? 

Perry. Eva's coming home. (Reads.) ''It's 
getting very cold up here— besides, I can't stay 
away from you another day — ^have you been a 
good boy? 

f Fisher curiously examines his hack.) 

Perry (drily) What lare you looking for? 

Fisher. I'm looking for the wings. 

Perry (continuing). "I had a letter from 
mother ; she asked whether you had carried out 
your promise to become a Mason? I hope you 
have done so during my absence." (Speaks.) 
By Jove! here's a nice mess — I had forgotten 
^11 about it. 



18 ARE .YOU A MASON ? 

Fisher (goes Rj. That's no misfortune. 

Perry. You don't understand. My mother- 
in-law put that notion into her head. It was 
too stupid of me to forget — it may queer me 
with the old lady and then good-by to the 
20,000. (Both sit; Fisher r.c, Perry on sofa 
L.), My father-in-law is a great mason — 
thirty-sixth or thirty-seventh degree — in fact, 
I believe he is exalted ruler, grand master or 
something of that sort out there in Rockford. 

Fisher. I see — it was to be a sort of sur- 
prise for the old gentleman? 

Perry. Yes. My mother-in-law contends 
that the Lodge is the only safe place for mar- 
ried men nowadays ; so when Eva went up-State 
she insisted on my joining one. 

Fisher. The old gentleman must have been 
a gay bird. 

Perry. No, but his wife thinks he was. 
While he was still in his teens he ran away 
with a milliner — Angeline something — I for- 
get the other name, and married her; she 
was a holy terror. After a short time she 
disappeared, and he secured a divorce ; shortly 
after he met his present wife, my mother-in- 
law, married her and settled in Rockford. 

Fisher.. What became of the other woman? 

Perry. It is said she committed suicide. 

Fisher. You don't say so ! 

Perry. On the very day of his wedding to 
my mother-in-law, she wrote her last letter, 
saying she intended to kill herself — ^and the let- 
ter, through an unfortunate chain of circum- 
stances fell into the hands of his bride. 

Fisher. Great Scott! 

Perry. You can imagine the capital my 
mother-in-law has made out of it in the course 



ARE YOU A MASON? 19 

of years. The departed "Angeline" has grown 
to be the curse of his life. 

Fisher. Angeline? Sounds like a foreigner? 

Perry. Some crazy French or Kalian girl. 

Whenever he feels tempted to kick over the 

traces, she puts a damper on him by remindmg 

him of **Angeline." 

Fisher. By Jove — a fellow can never be too 
careful about such affairs. (Goes R.) 

Perry (rises). That ou^t to be a warning 
to you. Dont take any French girls to the Ritz 
for late suppers. (Rises, goes u) 

Fisher (smiles), I like your cheek (goes to 
PerryJ after your conduct last night. 

Perry. What am I going to do about this 
mason business? Are you a mason? 

Fisher. No, but Tm a buff alo. If you have 
eleven cents ril initiate you. Are you on? 
Perry. If Eva finds out I haven't complied 

with her wish 

Fisher ("R.C.; Why don't you simply tell her 
that you have joined the Lodge? Meanwhile you 
get proposed, and before she has a chance to 
find you out you'll be a full-fledged mason. 

Perry (c-) That's not a bad scheme, George 
But what am I to tell her if she asks me any 
questions about the Lodge? I don't know the 
first thing about masonry. 
Fisher. Neither do I. 
Perry. You'll be a great help to me, George. 
Fisher. Have you an encyclopaedia? 
Perry (pointing to bookcase). Yes, there's 
one over there. (Points up C. crosses.) 

Fisher (goes up to bookcase. Perry crosses 
R.; Abe d-—f— there we are. (Takes out vol- 
ume, turns leaves.) Farragut — flying ma- 
chines — France — ^^there — freemasonry — that's 



20 ARE YOU A MASON ? 

it. Quite a long article. (Reads.) "Freemas- 
onry has for its object the enlightenment of hu- 
manity as well as the promotion of practical 
brotherhood all over the world." 
'Perry. That's rather general. 

Fisher. Wait— this is more to the point. 
(Reads,) *'It possesses symbolical forms, cus- 
toms, special countersigns, etc.— as to which 
the members are pledged to preserve the most 
inviolable secrecy.'' (SpeUks,) "The most in- 
violable secrecy." That lets you out, old man ; 
if your wife asks you any questions, you simply 
say, with a shrug of shoulders : "My dear child, 
don't 'ask questions— -I can't answer them — ■ 
we are pledged to the most inviolable secrecy." 

Perry (delighted). By Jingo— that's great. 

Fisher (reads), "The brotherhood is or- 
ganized in lodges, and there are three degrees ; 
apprentices, fellowcrafts and mastermasons. 
At the head of each lodge there is a worshipful 
master." 

Perry. Uhm — like my father-in-law. 

Fisher (mumbling), I suppose so. "It's 
origin dates back to the building of the Temple 
of Solomon." 

Perry. Oh, that'll do. I know all I need, 
and in case of emergency (takes stage E,) I 
have the oath of secrecy to fall back on. 

Fisher (puts the book open on the table; 
then over to Perry^. There's another most im- 
portant point: it provides you with la capital 
excuse in case you get home late — -youll have 
been to your lodge. (Goes h..) 

Perry. I say, you're an unscrupulous beg- 
gar — but it's a good idea. 

Fisher. You'll have to display special ac- 
tivity as a new member; there'll be degrees to 



ARE YOU A MASON? 21 

take and special duties to perform^ 

Perry. What kind of duties? 

Fisher (meaningly) O'h, that's a secret. 

Perry (does not see it first, then laughs). 
Oh, ha, ha,- — one can keep that up for ever. 

Fisher (pointing to Ms head)^ Great head, 
eh? 

Perry (with mock seriousness), I'll have to 
warn poor Annie before she falls a victim to 
your wiles. 

Fisher. Just to shov^ me your gratitude for 
getting you out of your scrape. (Crosses to exit, 
R.2. Perry goes h.) I'll be around to-morrow to 
see how you are getting on, ''Brother" Perry. 

(Exit R. 2.) 

Perry (takes out letter, calls.) I say, George 
— I forgot — 'George- — — (To door,) 

(Lottie enters R»2.) 

Lottie, Mr. Fisher's gone, sir. 

Perry. Lottie, Mrs. Perry is coming home 
to-day. (Reads.) ''I can't stay away another 
twenty-four hours." (Speaks.) Dated day be- 
fore yesterday — ^she ought to be here in the 
course of the day. (To Lottie.J Lottie, have 
dinner ready, in case Mrs. Perry comes. 

Eva (off). Frank! 

("Eva enters, R,2., in travelling costume) 

Eva. Frank ! 

Perry. Eva ! 

(They rush into each other's arms and 
embrace.) 



22 ARIEt YOU A MASON ? 

Eva. Oh, I'm so glad to get home ! 

Perry. You can't be more glad than I am, 
my darling . (Kisses her.) 

Lottie (aside). Listen to him, the cheat! 

(Lottie smiles sUrcastically and takes satch- 
els.) 

Eva. You bad boy. (Crosses L.) Why 
didn't you meet me at the station-— ^didn't you 
get my letter? 

Perry. Yes, dear, but you forgot to mention 
the train you were coming on. (Takes off 
Eva's coat, puts it on sofa l.) 

Eva. If you loved me really devotedly, you 
would have guessed. 

Perry (goes to her and takes both her hands 
in his). The mountain air seems to have 
agreed with you — you are looking splendid. 

Eva ("l.c.^. Oh, I'm all right — but I can't say 
the same of you. You poor boy, you look pale 
and worn out. 

Lottie (bursting out, coming down e.g.). 
An it ain't no wonder, ma'am. 

Eva. What do you mean, Lottie? 

Lottie. Mane? I mane that whin a man 
niver g^ts home before the milkman comes 

lEvA. What do I hear, Frank? What have 
you to say for yourself? 

Perry (calmly). Oh— nothing — nothing at 
all — what Lottie says is true. 

EvA. Frank ! You can't even say a word in 
your defence? (Down h.c.) 

Lottie. He can't ma'am. 

(Picking up tray on table R.) 



ARE YOU A MASONl? 23 

Perry. Why should I? What (time wa^ it 
when I got home last night? 

Lottie (ironically). Last night? After four 
this momin'. 

Perry, Arrah, tell the truth, Lottie, It was 
after five. 

!EVa (perplexed.) You seem proud of it. 
(Goes h.) 

Perry (as calmly as before). And yester- 
day, and the day before yesterday — ^in fact the 
entire week. Didn't I come home about the 
same time, Lottie? 

Lottie. He did, ma'am. (Up R. c.^ 

Eva (goes to Perry>. How dare you tell me 
all this with a smile on your face? 

Perry. It was rather a grind, but I was 
willing to put up with it for love of you. ("Lot- 
tie drops tray with bang, Perry and EvA start. 

Eva. For love of me? Why, Frank, what 
has come over you in the month I've been 
gone? 

Perry. Eva, you hurt me. 

Eva. I hurt you? 

Perry. Is this my reward for having ful- 
filled your wishes? (Crosses R., laughing bit- 
terly.) Ha, ha, ha, very good! Just like a 
woman! (Sits chair R.) Just like a woman! 

Eva. (bewildered). My— -wishes? (Crosses 
to Perry.> 

Lottie (has been listening in amazement — 
anxiously to EvA^. Shall I run for a doctor, 
ma'am? (Crosses L.c at door.) 

Eva (crosses to him.) I don't understand 
you, Frank. 

Perry (rises) , And I don't understand you ! 
E!ver since we've been married you've been 
urging me to join the Lodge. Just before you 



24 ARE ^OU A MASON? 

went away you made a special point of it. I 
thought you would be delighted when you came 
back to hear me say, *'Eva, darling, I am a free- 
mason." And now- — oh, I am disappointed! 
(Throws himself into chair L. of table.) 

Lottie (horrified), A freemason, good 
heavens ! 

Eva. Is it really true? Oh, you, you dear, 
sweet, darling boy! (Kneels.) Can you for- 
give me? 

Perry. Don't worry, my darling, I forgive 
you. 

Lottie. Why, ma'am, don't ye know that 
the devil himself is hand in glove with 'em? 

(Eva (smiling). Why, Lottie! 

Lottie (with conviction), Indade, indade, 
he is that, ma'am. An' whin he comes to see 
them, it's down the chimney he comes ! 

Eva (gaily) . Oh, come now, Lottie ! 

Lottie. I'll stay in this house no longer. 

Perry (crosses to Lottie^. Lottie, don't be 
such a — — - (ElYA gets L.c^ 

Lottie (retreats, showing signs of terror). 
Don't touch me ! 

(Exit R.2, with tray.) 

Perry (quickly). Give her a month's wages 
and let her go. (Tickled at the idea.) 

Eva. Oh, she'll get over it all right. 

Perry. I'm glad you think so. No matter 
when I get home I always find her entertaining 
Mrs. MacOarthy the scrub woman. It is that 
Mick that puts all that nonsense into her head- 

Eva (taking off her hat and placing it on 
table R.j. She'll get over it. 

(Perry shows signs of disappointment,) 



ARE YOU A MASON ? 25 

But tell me, dear, how did you get along? 

Pekry. I missed you dreadfully. 

Eva, No — no— I mean with your initiation? 
How did you get through? (Both go L., sofa L. 
and sit.) 

Perry. First rate. It was all very solemn 
and impressive. 

EVA (sitting next to him — nestling close to 
him, eagerly). Now tell me, weren't you just 
a wee bit frightened. (Sits R. of L. sofa.) 

Perry. Frightened? (Sits l. of L. sofa.) 
Nonsense! Why should I be? 

Eva, Well, I've been told they have a sort 
of chamber of horrors—full of skeletons and 
bones and skulls, vfith trap-doors and secret 
passages — ^a procession of masked men with 
sharp-pointed daggers—riding on black goats; 
but come, tell me lall about it— I'm just dying 
to hear it all I 

Perry. I am sorry my dear child, but we 
are pledged to inviolable secrecy! I will 
acknowledge one thing, I got bow-legged riding 
goats. 

EVA. Not really? 

Perry. I had to take a solemn oath ! 

Eva. How interesting—what did you have 
to swear? 

Perry. No end of things. 

Eva. For instance? 

Perry. H'm, darling — -er— that's a pro- 
found secret, you know. 

Eva. Yes — of course — but you can tell your 
wife, I'm sure. 

Perry. My wife least of all! (Solemnly). 
I had to take a special oath to that effect. 

Eva (rises goes L. petulantly). How very 
ungailant! But if that's the case I shall not 



26 ARE YOU A MASON? 

insist any further! (Steps to mirror and ad- 
justs her hair,) 

(Perry heaves a sigh of relief,) 

(Lottie enters with a telegram,) 

Lottie. Here^g a telegraph whafs just 
come. 

Perry. Give it to me. (Rises, goes to Lot- 
tie.^ 

Lottie (holds it out to him with the tips of 
her fingers). Here! 

Perry (testily). Oh, come, what's all this 
nonsense? (Crosses to her.) 

Lottie (with a violent start). Lord, have 
mercy on us ! (Crosses round sofa, hands tele- 
gram to EVA.^ 

(Exit quickly, R.2,) 

Perry. Old idiot ! 

(Ready auto effect off R,) 

Eva (has opened telegram and reads-) Oh, 
Frank, another and father are coming with 
Lulu and Annie. 

Perry. The deuce they are? 

Eva. Aren't you glad? 

Perry (with forced gaiety). Glad! I'm de- 
lighted ! 

Eva. Just think how nice it will be to have 
father here as a brother mason. 

Perry (as before). Very nice! 

Eva. Won't he be glad to hear it> — and 
mother too ! 



ARE YOU A MASON? 27 

Perry. 'Mother! is mother coming? 

Eva. Yes. 

Perry. Oh, then there'll be general rejoic- 
ing. 

Eva. Oh, dear! I do wish they'd sent me 
word earlier. The servants won't be here until 
Monday. No curtains up — no carpets down. 

Perry. Telegraph them not to come. 

Eva. It's too late now, they're on the way. 
There's no time to be lost if their rooms are to 
be ready for them. (Calling off up B..) Lottie ! 
Lottie ! 

Lottie (outside R.2.). Yis, ma'am. 

Eva. We must get the spare rooms ready — 
my people are coming! Quick! Quick! Good- 
bye, dear. I must go and see after them. 

(Exit hastily R.l.^ 

Perry (looks after her, then looks around. 
Comes down C.) If the V^orshipful Master 
finds out I've been drawing on my imagination, 
my chances of drawing on him will be very 
slim ! 

(Noise of auto stopping is heard.) 
(Goes to window.) Holy smoke! There they 
are already! I'll make myself scarce for the 
present. I don't feel quite prepared to face 
the old man. 

(Exits L.C. at back.) 

(Enter Bloodgood, Mrs. Bloodgood, Annie, 

Lulu, ushered in by Lottie, r.2.) 

Lottie. This way, please. 



28 ARE YOU A MASON? 

(Lulu sits l. table r. Mr. Bloodgood, Annie, 
Mrs. Bloodgood.; 

Mrs. Bloodgood. This is a nice reception. 
(Is novj c, looks 'around.) Why, where's every- 
body? (Sits sofa Lj 

Lottie. Mrs. Perry is busy getting your 
rooms ready — 1^11 tell her of your arrival. 

Bloodgood. I telegraphed from Newburg — 
did you get vay wire? 

Lottie. Yes, sir. 

(Exit R.2.) 

Lulu. Oh, I'm so tired. 

Annie. Tired ? How can anybody feel tired 
in New York? I'm too glad to be here to feel 
tired. 

Lulu (rises, goes to BloodgoodJ. It won't 
take me long to get rested. We'll be on the go 
all day to-morrow, won't we, papa ? We'll take 
you all over and show you the park and Broad- 
v^ay, where the swells live, and the theatres- 

Annie (crosses to Bloodgood.^ Yes, we'll go 
to all the theatres — ^you know how I love the 
drama. (They cling to Bloodgood.^ 

Bloodgood. Yes, yes, children- — you shall 
see all that's worth seeing, and we'll have a 
capital time. 

Lulu. You dear old dad. (Kisses him.) 

Annie. You are the dearest father that ever 
lived 1 (Kisses him on other side.) 

Mrs. Bloodgood. Go and look for Eva, girls. 
(Seated on sofa h.) 

Lulu and Annie. All right, mother. 

(They exeunt R. 2.) 



ARE YOU A MASON? 29 

Bloodgood (looking after them.) Splendid 
girls, so full of life. (Puts hat on roxk,) Oh, 
we're going to have a gay time. 

Mrs. Bloodgood (froivning), A gay time? 
Here in New York — ^^the scene of the tragedy? 
Have you forgotten "Angeline"? 

Bloodgood. Good Lord! (Goes rJ After 
twenty years, I think I might hear the last of 
the tragedy! You are really making my life a 
burden, Caroline. 

Mrs. Bloodgood. I am surprised, Amos! 
Even if I have forgiven you, your whole life 
ought to be devoted to repentance and atone- 
ment- 

(Bloodgood sighs) 

(Goes on without heeding him,) Instead, your 
thoughts run on revelry and amusement! 

Bloodgood. Yes, we revel an awful lot in 
Rockford. 

Mrs. Bloodgood. Don't you go to your Lodge 
every week? 

(Bloodgood clears his throat) 

It is true you meet nothing but staid and res- 
pectable men there. (Sitting on sofa lu.) 

Bloodgood. Oh, most respectable. 

Mrs. Bloodgood. And now you hold such an 
exalted office ■ 

Bloodgood. What office? 

Mrs. Bloodgood. Why, haven't they elected 
you Master of your Lodge? 

Bloodgood (a second beivildered, then sees 
it). Oh!— sure. (Turns away.) Oh, my! 
(Goes a little R.) 



Sa ARE YOU A MASON? 

Mrs. Bloodgood. You have not missed a 
single meeting for twenty years. 

Bloodgood. Yes, that's true. 

Mrs. Bloodgood. I was the proudest woman 
in the world when you came home that morn- 
ing, after a long meeting (Bloodgood runs 
finger inside of collar as though choking) to 
tell me you had been made Master of your 
Lodge. I wish I could see you once presiding 
at one of your meetings. 

Bloodgood. (quickly- — turns to her, goes c.) 
That's impossible, Caroline, you know that! 

Mrs. Bloodgood. Why don't they admit 
women? I'm sure you could achieve greater re- 
sults if you permitted us to assist you in your 
noble work. 

Bloodgood. I dare say you are right — I have 
advocated it again and again — but they won't 
have it. A few jolly sisters 

Mrs. Bloodgood (rise), Jolly sisters? 

Bloodgood. Er— er — ^a masonic expression, 
my dear — we call all women sisters, you know- 

iMRS. Bloodgood. But jolly sisters? 

Bloodgood. Well, there's no harm in being 
jolly, is there? 

Mrs. Bloodgood. Perhaps not^ — ^for some 
people — but 'a man who has a great iniquity 
weighing on his conscience, should never be 
jolly! "Remember Angeline." (Crosses to C.) 

Bloodgood (exasperated, crosses h.) You 
don't give me much chance to forget heTl(Sits 
on sofa h.) 

Mrs. Bloodgood. Because I still hope that 
some day your conscience will wake up I 

Bloodgood. Aren't you tired of dinning this 
into my ears? I've had twenty years of it; I 



ARE YOU A MASON? 31 

can't stand it much longer — ^it's worse than 
hard labor. 

Mrs. Bloodgood. It is my duty to watch 
over you and over Frank. 

Bloodgood. Well, Frank is all right. 

Mrs. Bloodgood. That remains to be seen. 
Lottie will tell me. I did not send her here for 
nothing. He won't get one penny from me, un- 
less I hear that his conduct has been above re- 
proach. (Goes c.) 

Bloodgood (rises, goes to Mrs. Bloodgood). 
Come now, Caroline, I know he needs the 
money. 

Mrs. Bloodgood. Of course you would stick 
up for him ! Birds of a feather. I have my eye 
on him— my daughter shall not have to put up 
with what I had to go through. First of all, I 
must know whether he has complied with my 
wish. 

Bloodgood. What wish? 

Mrs. Bloodgood (crosses h.) Tha!t's a sur- 
prise for you. (Turns up a little,) 

Bloodgood (crosses c. and up). Don't give 
me any more surprises, Caroline, I don't like 
them. (Goes R,c.) 

(Eva enters, comes running in from R.l.^ 

Eva (c.) Father! Mother! (Embraces 
them.) Oh, I'm so glad to see you ! 

Mrs. Bloodgood ("l.c.) My darling! 

Bloodgood Cr.cj. Well, my dear Eva, how 
are you? 

Eva. Very happy father. Frank is very de- 
voted to me. 

Bloodgood. Do you hear that, Caroline? 

Mrs. Bloodgood. Love is blind. Has your 



32 ARE YOU A MASON? 

husband complied with my request? 
(EVA. He has, mother. Father- 



Mrs. Bloodgood. Don't tell him, my dear. 
Eva. Yes, I will. Only fancy, father, you'll 
never guess. 
Bloodgood. No. 

Eva. Frank is a freemason, 

Bloodgood (horrified). What? (Staggers 
R.C., then laughs. Crosses R. and then back.) 

Mrs. Bloodgood. That's my surprise ; didn't 
I manage it splendidly? (LoMghs,) 

Bloodgood (still laughing). You don't know 
how delighted I am. 

Eva. You and Frank will be closer friends 
than ever now. But come, luncheon is on the 
table. 
(Eva and Mrs, Bloodgood start to go to Exit 

R.C.; 

Mrs. Bloodgood. All right, my darling. 
Come, Amos. 

Bloodgood. You two go ahead. I'll brush up 
a little— I'll follow you in a second. 

(Eva. Don't be too long, father. Come, 
mother. I have lots to tell you. 

Bloodgood (up c. madly). Holy suffering 
mackerel. (Throws up his hands in despair.) 
If my wife finds out that the Lodge has been 
a dodge to get out for a game of bridge I 
might as well commit suicide. Frank a mason, 
and I haven't the faintest idea of masonry. He 
must have an encyclopaedia— I gave him one 
last Christmas. (Rushes to bookcase — finds 
volume gone.) Confound it. The game's up — 
the volume's gone. (Sees it on table.) Oh, there 
it is, and open at the very page— that shows 
how serious he takes it. Let's see if I can't 
gather a bit of information. (Reads.) ^'Has 



ARE YOU A MASON? 33 

for it's object the enlightenment of humanity." 
(Speaks-) Every fool knows that. (Reads.) 
'* Symbolical forms — secret signs by which they 
recognize each other." (Speaks.) That's some- 
thing. (Down L.C.> 

Mrs. Bloodgood (outside). Come in here, 
Lottie. 

(Bloodgood quickly shuts book, holding it be- 
hind back and moves toward the bookcase when 
Mrs. Bloodgood enters, followed by Lottie 
from E,c.) 

Mrs. Bloodgood. What are you doing here, 
Amos? 

Bloodgood. Nothing, my darling — nothing. 
(Backs jocularly up towards bookcase, sings 
loudly as he slips book in its place.) 

Mrs. Bloodgood. Why don't you go and have 
your lunch? 

Bloodgood. Going— going, darling. (To 
door facing her, his hands behind his back; 
edges toivards door R.c.) 

Mrs. Bloodgood. Why are you hiding your 
hands ? 

Bloodgood (standing right in doorway of 
dining-room) . You are always so suspicious, 
darling. (Shows hands, exits R. C.^ 

Lottie (as if continuing). Sure, ma'am, it's 
the truth— ^an' more, Mrs- Bloodgood, it's not 
for the like of me to stay in a house Where the 
miaster is wan of those freemasons. 

Mrs. B. What's wrong about that, Lottie? 
(Sits on sofa L.) 

Lottie. Sure ma'am— 'tis with the divil 
himself they have their dalings. Are you a 
mason, ma'am? 

Mrs. Bloodgood. Don't be childish, Lottie. 

Lottie. Mrs. McCarthy, the scrub lady, does 



34 ARE YOU A MASON? 

be tellin' me of a friend o' hers what reads in 
a book v^'here there v/as a woman among thim; 
Oi 'have too much respect for ye, ma'am, to tell 
you what things that woman saw. 

Mrs. Bloodgood. That's a mistake (crosses 
R.) — my husband tells me that women are not 
admitted. 

Lottie. That shows, ma'am, what liars they 
all be. The devil's got them in his clutches. 

Mrs. Bloodgood. That'll do, Lottie, we'll 
talk about it some other time. Now go to your 
work. 

Lottie. Yes, ma'am. 

(Exit Lottie r. c) 

(lEVA, Lulu, Annie and Bloodgood enter from 
dining-room.) 

Mrs. Bloodgood. Where is your husband, 
Eva? 

Eva. I think he went to his office — I'll tele- 
phone down 

(Lulu and Annie go to sofa R.^ 

Bloodgood. Don't disturb him— business 
before pleasure. 

Mrs. Bloodgood. You don't seem anxious to 
see your new brother? 

Bloodgood. Anxious is hardly the word, my 
dear— I er— er- (Up R., sits sofa.) 

(Lottie enters.) 

Lottie. Mr. Halton to see Mr. Perry. 
Eva (to door). How are you, Mr. Halton? 
So glad to see you. 



ARE YOU A MASON? 35 

(Enter Halton. Bloodgood heaves a sigh of 
relief at the announcement. Halton is a 
good-natured, jovial, stout man, rather lo- 
quacious, wears store clothes,) 

Halton. Lookin' fine, Mrs. Perry—how's 
Mr. Perry? Well, you deserted us last summer. 

Eva. I thought a change would do us no 
harm.. (Introducing.) My mother, Mrs. Blood- 
good — my father, my sisters, Annie and Lulu- 
Mr. Halton, the gentleman on whose farm we 
spent our summer last year. Won't you sit 
down? 

("How-do-you-do"' all round, Bloodgood sits 
sofa li,) 

Eva. What brings you to New York, Mr. 
Halton? (Sits head of table-) 

Halton. I've sold my place and we intend 
settling in New York. (Sits L. of table.) 

Eva. What does Mrs. Halton say to that? 

Halton. I did it to please my wife~~we 
have no children and it was rather lonesome 
for her in the winter. She'll be here to-mor- 
row, and if you don't mind I'll bring her up 
for a little chat. 

Eva. We shall be delighted to see her. 

Halton. We are going to enjoy life now, 
and I came to ask Mr. Perry — ^he's a man about 
town — if he wouldn't be so kind as to put me 
up at one of his clubs. 

Mrs. Bloodgood. Club — you ought to join 
the freemasons, Mr. Halton. (Pause for Bus. 
of embarrassment for Bloodgood.J My hus- 
band is Worshipful Master of his Lodge — I'm 



'^iM 



36 ARE YOU A MASON? 

sure he'll be delighted to propose you. Won't 

you, Amos? 

(Slaps table.) Won't you, Amos? 

Bloodgood (starting,) Cer — certainly — 
with pleasure. 

Halton. That's capital — I've -always had 
the notion of joining— now that is very good 
of you, sir. 

Bloodgood. Of course — er—I don't know if 
it would do for me to propose you — I'm hardly 
in touch with masonic affairs in New York. 

iEVA. Well, then, Frank will put you up, Mr. 
Halton. 

Bloodgood (quickly). Yes, I think that 
would be better. Frank's the very man. Yes— 
you see, being a member of a— er — New York 
Lodge — he could put you up at a— er — New 
York Lodge. 

Halton It's 'all the same to me. 

(Perry enters h.c) 

All. There's Frank. (Bloodgood goes to 
window,)— where have you been so long? 
(Eva rises, iPerry is most enxioits to avoid 
Bloodgood's eyes — Halton crosses l. 
Bloodgood turns Uway the raoment he catch- 
es sight of Perry and examines a picture — 
Ms hack is turned to Perry.) 
Perry. Pardon me being absent at your ar- 
rival — some important business. (Catches 
Bloodgood's eyes — he avoids him.) Hello, 
girls, awfully glad to see you. (Stands with his 
hack to Bloodgood and looks over his shoulder 
to see what he is doing.) My dear mother, you 
are looking splendid — so fresh — so young, real- 
ly. (Bus. as before ivith Bloodgood.) 



ARE YOU A MASON ? ST 

Mrs. Bloodgood. Why so very amiable, 
Frank ? 

Perry (protestingly). How can I help my- 
self — ^there isn't another woman like you in the 
world. (Long look at Bloodgood over should- 
er,) 

Mrs. Bloodgood. What are you looking for, 
Frank ? 

Perry (pretending to brush some dust off 
his shoulder,) Oh, nothing, a little dust on my 
coat. (Goes along the line, always keeping his 
back to Bloodgood.; Hallo, Mr. Halton, I 
haven't seen you for ever so long. (Shake 
hands with Halton, r. of him, then gets up c) 

Halton. You'll see enough of me in the fu- 
ture. I'm going to settle in New York, 

Perry. Is that so? 

Mrs. Bloodgood. Frank, dear, won't you 
say ''how-do-you-do" to your father-in-law? 

Eva (coming forward from up R.) Father, 
let me introduce a new brother. (To the others 
at table,). Now watch them. 

(Eva and Halton cross to l. Girls and Mrs. 
Bloodgood r.^ 

Perry (comes down c) Now for the bluff. 
(With bated breath, wipes the perspiration 
from his brow.) 

Bloodgood (aside). I must watch what he 
does. (Copies business of wiping brow.) 
(From now on they watch each other like cats, 

and the slightest gesture is closely imitated 

by the other,) 
(Solemnly.) My dear brother. (Shoots his 
cuff.) 



38 ARE YOU A MASON? 

Perry. 'Master. (Same business. Blood- 
good starts hack frightened,) 

Bloodgood. I salute thee, (Shoots L. hand 

into the air, then wagging forefinger, describes 
half -circle until L. hand is behind back — simul- 
taneously Perry iwitates him.) 

Perry. (Same Bvs.) I salute thee. (Bus. 
fingers-) 

(The girls SvA, ANNIE and Lulu standing to- 
gether R.C. follow ^notion of hands by bending 
doivn to vjatch,) 

Bloodgood (opens his arms—ihe upstage one 
higher than the other.) My dear brother — 
(Perry realizes he has the wrong arm up, 
changes quickly. Bloodgood thinks he is 
wrong and quickly copies Peery. Their arms 
go like windr/iills for a few seconds.) 
Bloodgood. Into my arms. (They embrace 
C. Music forte.) 



Curtain. 



ARE YOU A MASON? SO 

ACT II 

Scene. — Same as Act L 

Time. — 2 p.m. 

(When curtain rises, discovered Mrs. Blood- 
GOOD, Eva, Perky reading neiuspaper, Blood- 
good reading newspaper, ANNIE and LuLU. 
The men are smoking cigars.) 

Eva (seated R. of table Rj. I am glad you 
like New York so much, mother. 

Mrs. Bloodgood (seoMd l. of table R.J. I 
like it better than I expected. Of course it is 
so different from Rockford — still, if your 
father should be able to sell out his interests 
there, Fd be quite willing to come to New York 
and settle here. 

Perry (seated extreme R., quickly). New 
York is very unhealthy — we are always having 
epidemics of some kind here — I wouldn't ad- 
vise any one to 

Eva. Nonsense, Frank wliy do you frighten 
mother ? 

Mrs. Bloodgood. Don't worry, my child, 
I'm not so easily frightened. 

(Mrs. Bloodgood, Eva and Lulu begin to sew 
— ^Annie gets a book and reads.) 

Bloodgood. It wouldn't be a bad idea, but 
when I think of settling down in a big strange 
city, where we know nobody but Frank— — 

Mrs. Bloodgood. What are you talking 



40 ARE YOU A MASON ? 

about, Amos? You'd get to know people soon 
enough, with your masonic connections. 

(Bloodgood coughs to cover his embarrass- 
ment, Lulu says "Oh, father," crosses to 
sofa L. pats Bloodgood on back, and then re- 
turn to chair,) 

Bloodgood. Thank you, my child. 

Mrs. Bloodgood. And Frank being a mem- 
ber of a New York Lodge would take you 
round. 

lEvA. He would be glad to do that, wouldn't 
you, Frank? 

Perry (ivith a start, coughs, Eva pats him 
on back,) Oh, cer-cer-certainly ! 

Mrs. Bloodgood. What awful coughs you 
men have got. 

Perry. It's one of the epidemics I spoke of. 

Mrs. Bloodgood. As far as I have been able 
to gather, all the lodges are connected to a cer- 
tain extent. Aren't they, Frank? 

Perry (greatly embarrassed) , Er— er — yes 
— with each other, er— one lodge is connected 
with the other — er - — that is to say — it 
— er — sometimes happens that • — er — that 
the other one is connected with the first 
one — if — er — for instance — er — er — — 
Now here's a Lodge (points to stage with 
R. hand) and here's another Lodge (points 
to stage with L. hand). Now these two Lodges 

coming together (looks up with apologetic 

laugh). Oh, but really— (Is at the end 
of his tether, turns to Bloodgood.^ — I really 
should not venture to speak about such matters 
in the presence of our Worshipful Master. I 
am quite a new member of the brotherhood — 








on, 
cr>. 

bo 



CO 




O 

w 

< 



ARE YOU A MASON? 41 

I am sure father-in-law can explain the matter 
more lucidly than I could. 

(Bloodgood starts, drops his cigar— bends for 

it and remUins down to cover his embarrass- 
ment.) 

• Lulu (rises). What is the meaning of the 
word "lo*dge"— what is its derivation? 

Perry. It's deri — — -deriv — er • — er— — 
(Points to BloodgoodJ Father— explain to 
Lulu. 

Bloodgood. Er— it is very hard to explain 
it in a few words — -er— the meaning of a lodge 
— er — ^er rather by the word lodge, is meant— 
er — er — a conception of the idea — er — in con- 
nection with it — -er — with it all. Yes, that's it. 
Yes, that's it. (Leans back.) 

Mrs. Bloodgood. Will you please say that 
again, Amos. I didn't quite understand it. 

Bloodgood. Didn't you? Er — I can't make 
it any plainer, my dear — you understood me, 
Frank, didn't you? (Scratches his head very 
pointedly to convey idea it is a masonic sign.) 

Perry (scratches his head.) Of course — I 
don't see how anybody could misunderstand, 
you put it so plainly, so comprehensively. 

Bloodgood. Thank you, Frank. (Rises— sa- 
lutes.) 

Perry. Not at all. (Rises-^sulutes.) 

Mrs. Bloodgood. Now tell me, either of 
you 

(Enter Lottie r. 2) 
Lottie (announces). Mr, Halton, 



42 ARE YOU A MASON ? 

(Enter Halton r. 2, Lottie exits R. 2) 

(Perry and Bloodgood both heave a deep sigh 

of relief.) 

(Perry goes round R. sofa to meet Halton. 
Bloodgood meets him from rJ 

Halton. Good afternoon everybody. 

Perry (on one side shakes his hand effusive- 
ly). So glad you came. (Goes round sofa, sits 
chair E.) 

Bloodgood (on the other side,) My dear sir, 
how are you, how are you? (Shakes his other 
hand.) 

Halton. Ouch! (Frees himself.) Gentle- 
men you are very kind. How are the ladies? 
See any of the sights of New York? (As he 
crosses, he shakes hands with them.) Nice lit- 
tle village, isn't it? Always something going 
on. (Bloodgood starts to sneak off at door 
l. c.^ 

Lulu. There is so much one never knows 
where to turn first. 

Annie. And all the people in the streets — ^1 
am so afraid of the traffic. 

(Bloodgood trying to sneak off. Mrs. Blood- 
good motions Halton to sit dotvn. Perry is 

C.R.; 

Halton (as he turns, sees Bloodgood^. Well, 
Mr. Bloodgood, (Bloodgood stops — turns) how 
are you getting on? 

Bloodgood. Oh, first rate, thank you, 
(Comes back — remains behind sofa.) 



ARE YOU A MASON ? 43 

Halton. I mean about my admission to the 
Lodge? 

(Perry tries to sneak off R. i.) 

{Halton (sits on sofa). Mr. Perry, (Perry 
returns) you are going to second me, aren't 
you? (Goes L,) 

Perry. Oh, yes, second you— ^second you 
with pleasure. 

Mrs, Bloodgood. You ought to have easy 
sailing with my husband as your sponsor. 
(Sits sofa L.) 

Eva. Niot to forget Frank. 

Perry (behind iEVa's chair) : Er — well you 
see, my dear — it is not quite as easy as you 
seem to think. When a follow comes along and 
applies for admission, he has to go through a 
number of probationary ordeals. 

Bloodgood (who has listened attentively— 
aside) . I'll have to remember that. 

Perry. Isn't that so, father. 

Bloodgood. Oh, yes, everything depends on 
the probation. Not every man can stand it. Am 
I not right, Frank? 

Perry. Quite right, father— many a chap 
fails to qualitfy. 

Halton (sitting h). Is it as hard as all that? 

Perry. A great deal more. 

Bloodgood (emphatically). Worse! 

Eva (pat him lovingly), I can testify to 
that. Poor Frank looked a wreck after he got 
through. 

Mrs. Bloodgood. Well, Mr. Halton seems to 
have a strong constitution. What Frank and 
your father can do, won't prove too much for 
him. 



44 ARE YOU A MASON? 

Halton. Quite right — I can stand a few 
knocks — ^so hurry up, gentlemen, and put me 
up. Let's go to work while the iron is hot ! 

(Bloodgood rises f up stage. Bloodgood and 
Perry tip stage throw up their hands in de- 
spair,) 

Lottie ('announces), Mr. Travers! 

(Enter Travers r. 2, Lottie exits r. 2) 

Travers. Pardon me for dropping in so un- 
ceremoniously. (To Perry.^ I've brought the 

(Perry puts hand over mouth.) Ladies, 

(bows) Mr. Perry, we are going to have a big 
charity benefit to-morrow night, and knowing 
you as a patron of the house- — ^the boss has 
taken the liberty of reserving box C for you. 
(Perry is stunned ut the sight of Travers.^ 

Mrs. Bloodgood (suspiciously). A patron 
of the house? Box C? What does that mean, 
Frank? 

Perry (greatly embarrassed, Travers and 
Perry come down, iPerry r.c, Travers l.c.>. 

Oh — er — ^^that is very simple (Aside to 

Travers.^ Say ''yes" to everything I say and 
I'll give you five. 

Travers. Right, laddie. (Holds out his hand 
behind his back.) 

Eva. Won't you introduce the gentleman, 
Frank ? 

Perry. Er — ahem — ^this is Mr. Travers 
Ham — I mean Hamilton Travers, one of the 
shining lights of our stage. 

Travers. Ladies, (Bows.) 

Lulu. How interesting! 



ARE YiOU A MASON? 45 

Annie (to Lulu^. I wonder if lie knows 
George? 

Perry. He's a member of our Lodge. 

Travers. Yes. (Makes sign. Men imitate 
him.) 

Mrs. Bloodgood. Wbat was that about box 
C? 

Perry. Why, that's plain enough. 

Travers. As plain as the sunlight of Heav- 
en. (Perry prods him with elbow,) Oh 

Perry. You see, it's like this. On — er — spe- 
cial occasions, the members assemble in the 
grand hall of the Lodge — which has a tier of 
boxes — just the same as at the opera. Now 
these are the tickets for the members who are 
to sit in box C. 

Travers. Yes, the boxes are marked with 
the letters of the alpbabet. 

Perry (aside to TraversJ. Shut up, (Bus. 
as before) you are simply to say "yes." 

Travers (leaning over his shoulder, loudly). 
Yes! 

(Bloodgood talking to Halton.^ 

Perry. This is a special celebration and — er 
—the usual custom of our Lodge. Isn't it, 
father ? 

Bloodgood (embarrassed— rises) , Yes, cer- 
tainly, every member has a seat— in — er— in 
which — in which he (pauses, points to seat) 
sits. (Smokes.) 

Eva. I suppose the members have lots of fun 
in the boxes. 

Travers. I could tell you a thing or two 
about 



46 ARE YOU A MASON ? 

Perry (breaks in). Have a cigar, Travers! 
{Offers cigar, Travers takes it.) 

Mrs. Bloodgood. I suppose my son-in-law 
was a frequent attendant during the last few 
weeks ? 

Travers. Oh, nearly every evening. 

Perry. Why don't you li^ht your cigar? 
(Strikes match for him.) 

Eva (fondly). Poor Frank, every evening. 

Travers. We've had a very attractive bill of 
late. 

Perry (enraged— pokes him in the ribs). 
Smoke. (Aside.) Damn you, smoke up or 
there'll be a tragedy! 

(Travers v'^ffs out big volumes of smoke.) 

Mrs. Bloodgood. I suppose you are a free- 
mason of long standing? 

(Bloodgood at word "freemason'^ sneaks into 

L. c.) 

Travers (takes cigar out of his mouth). 
Free — — ? 

Perry. Mason! (Aside to Travers; v^^ods 
him as before.) Yes, of very long standing. 
You must excuse Mr. Travers now, I know he 
is always hard pressed for time. Go on Trav- 
ers, don't let us detain you. 

Travers. I have nothing to do. It is a real 
pleasure to me to find myself in such congenial 
company. 

Mrs. Bloodgood (graciously). As a rule I 
am not very partial to members of your profes- 
sion—but you seem so different- (With side 

glance at Annie.^ 

(Annie sighs.) 



ARE YOU A MASON? 47 

Travers. Tliere are actors and actors! 

Perry (uc. aside to Traverse . If you don't 
do the vanishing act, I'll kick you downstairs. 
(Goes up R.c J 

Travers (aside), I'll get even with you for 
this. 

Perry. Mr. Travers just remembers a re- 
hearsal he has to attend. (Pokes him in the 
ribs — takes him up stage.) 

Travers. I must tear myself away. Ladies, 
allow me to lay most respectful homage at your 
feet. (Bows, declaims — comes down c.) 

Oh woman, in our hours of ease 

Uncertain, coy and hard to please. 

When pain and anguish wrings the brow, 

A ministering angel thou ! 

(Perry impatiently crosses up L,) 

Eva. He has so much feeling. 

Mrs. Bloodgood. Splendid — bravo {, ,, 

Lulu. Such a lovely voice. j ^^dether. 

Halton. He reminds me of Booth. 

Travers. My dear sir, Booth played with 
me. 

Mrs. Bloodgood Let's hear some more, Mr. 
Travers. 

Travers. With pleasure. "The boy stood- 

Perry (comes down; aside to Travers^. If 
you don't go now, you don't get the five. 

Travers. Some other time, ladies — I must 
be going. {Goes up, gets hast at R. 2.) 

Annie. Won't you come back after your re- 
'hearsal ? 

Eva. Yes, do, Mr. Travers — you can tell us 
something about your meetings. 

Travers (gloating). With pleasure, ladies — ^ 



48 ARE YOU A MilSON? 

(Elaborate bow.) Au revoir, see you later, 
Brother Perry. (Pesry looks after him.) (At 
R. 2 pantomimes ''You owe me five*' by hitting 
his chest with both fists then holding his hand 
up tvith fingers outspread. Exits R. 2.) 

Mrs. Bloodgood (to the others). Did you 
see that? A masonic sign. 

Lulu, I wonder if he wrote that poem him- 
self? 

Eva. I suppose so. Oh, they have very in- 
celligent men for their members at the Lodge. 

'Halton. I am more anxious than ever to 
join. (Rises.) Now tell me, Mr. Perry— 
(Catch Perry who is about to exit.) 

Perry (quickly). I'm sorry, but you'll have 
to excuse me, I must go to my office. (Re-enter 
Bloodgood fror/i up l. c.) 

Eva. This is Saturday— don't you close at 
twelve? 

Perry. Of course, but I must see if every- 
thing is locked up. (Perry sees him.) My 
father-in-law will give you all the information 
you desire, Mr. Halton. Good afternoon. Good 
afternoon. 

(Exit E. 2.) 

(Bloodgood is following Perry./ 

(Halton goes up^ catches Bloodgood by coat 

tails.) 

Bloodgood (aside). Confound it. (With forc- 
ed amiability.) Well, what do you want? 

Halton. As far as the probationary ordeals 
are concerned, I'm not afraid of them. 

Bloodgood. You are not? (Solemnly.) My 



ARE YOU A MASON? 49 

dear sir, if you wish to join the worthy fellow- 
ship of our order, you must obey the commands 
of your superior without a question. 

Halton. You'll find me ready. Master. 

Bloodgood. Good. Then go this instant to 
Brooklyn Bridge, run across it three times — 
yes, run— (Halton looks dismayed) — ^you 
must run all the way and come back here. 

Halton. What! Run from here across 
Brooklyn Bridge three times, on a day like 
this? It's a scorcher. 

Bloodgood. If you are afraid of such a trifle 
how do you expect to stand the other tests? 

Halton. Must I run all the way? 

Bloodgood. Yes, run all the way — via Tenth 
Avenue, and count every step. 

Halton, Count every step? (Down in the 
mouth,) Ail right, I'm ready. Obedience is 
the first duty of -a freemason, ladies— ^Master. 
(Slaps his chest, throws out R. hand towards 
Bloodgood, who looks startled. — starts off on 
a trot counting,) One— two— three, etc. 

(Exit R.2.; 

(Bloodgood ruhs his hands and chuckles to 

himself,) 

Mrs. Bloodgood. You needn't have been so 
hard on the poor fellow. 

Bloodgood (with dignity). My dear Caro- 
line — you must allow me to be the judge of 
that. I am a mason — ^you are not. 

(Exits L. C) 

Mrs. Bloodgood (rise). Come with me, one 



50 ARE YOU A MASON? 

of you girls, and help me unpack my trunk. 

Eva (rises and goes up rJ. I'll help you, 
mother. (Goes with Mrs. Bloodgood off R. 2.) 
(Lulu and Annie rise the moment they exit, 

Annie goes up, looks off, then comes eagerly 

down c.) 

Annie. IVe got something 'j 
to tell you, Lou. I ^^^g^/^^^ 

Lulu. IVe got something to tell f 
you, Annie. ; 

(Both laugh.) 

Annie. Who tells first? 

Lulu. You. 

Annie. I saw George in the street yester- 
day—^he bowed. I saw mother wasn't looking 
and I returned his bow. 

Lulu. Is that all? 

Annie. That's all. 

Lulu. I've better news than that. I had a 
letter from Ernest; he's going to call on dad 
this afternoon and if he says "yes" we are go- 
ing to get married in six weeks. 

Annie. I wonder what's to become of poor 
George and me? 

Lulu. Wait until I get married. Ernest and 
I will fix it all right. You'll stay with us, and 
George can come to see you every day. How's 
that? 

Annie. Oh, sis, you're a darling. 

(Lottie enters R.2.^ 

Lottie. Mr. Morrison wishes to see Mr. 
Bloodgood, Miss. 

Lulu (quickly— rise). Show him in here, 



AHE YOU A MASON? 51 

Lottie. I'll tell father. 

(Lulu and Annie cross l. to look in glass.) 

Lottie. This way, please. 

(Lets MoamsON enter and exits R, 2.) 

(Morrison waits for Lottie's exit, then rushes 
over to Lulu ojtd covers her with kisses.) 

Lulu (l.c). Ernest— Ernest— • (Frees 
herself.) 

'Morrison (c, sees Annie l,). I beg your 
pardon, Miss Bloodgood. 

Annie (down L.c.j. Don't mind me, I'm in 
the secret . 

Morrison. Are you? (Tries to grab Lulu 
again.) 

Annie. Stop! Do have some consideration 
for me. 

Lulu. She's right-— poor Sis, it isn't quite 
fair. 

Morrison (to AnnieJ. One more kiss. Lulu. 
Turn round, Sis. 

Annie (makes a face and turns,) All right, 
but hurry up and get it over. 

(Lulu and Morrison embrace and kiss: they 
remain in each other's arms until Mrs. 
Bloodgood appears in the door R.2 and 
screams.) 

Annie. Oh! I. ., ^ 

Lulu. Mother! \together. 

Mrs. Bloodgood (to Lulu^. What is the 
meaning of this? (To Morrison.; How dare 
you, sir? (Crosses h.c.) 

Morrison fR.c., quite embarrassed). My 



52 ARE YOU A MASON? 
dear Mrs. Bloodgood 



Mrs. Bloodgood. Have the goodness to ex- 
plain. 

Lulu. We met during our last visit to town. 
He's Ernest. 

Mrs. Bloodgood (c). So am I ( going ^ to 
LuLU^ — dead earnest! I am shocked — positive- 
ly shocked; you ought to be ashamed of your- 
self. 

Annie. Mother dear — — 

Mrs. Bloodgood. You ought to be ashamed 
for looking on! 

Morrison. My dear madame — — 

Mrs. Bloodgood. And you ought to be 
ashamed. Leave the house this very instant. 
(To Morrison. Points to door,) 

Morrison. If you insist, of course I must 
go; but before leaving, permit me to tell you 
the purpose of my visit. 

Mrs. Bloodgood. I won't listen to another 
word. (Goes R., Morrison follows,) 

Morrison. I came to ask for Lulu's hand. 

Mrs. Bloodgood (surprised). Lulu's hand? 
(Very quickly and graciously.) My dear sir 
(pushes him into chair) won't you be seated^ — 
I'm so glad to meet you. (Shakes hand furi- 
ously,) 

Morrison (sits r. of table,) Then I may 
hope? 

Mrs. Bloodgood. Of course you may, Mr. — 

Morrison. Morrison, madame. 

Mrs. Bloodgood. Mr. Morrison. (Sits on 
chair R.^ Naturally, there are certain formal- 
ities to be observed — we don't loiow anything 
about you. I'm sure you won't object to Mr. 
Bloodgood's making some inquiries about you 
— (u%) to Morrison^ ^ — your antecedents. 



ARE YOU A MASON? 53 

Annie (makes a face and nudges LuLU^. 
That's what queered George. 

Lulu. (Crossing to Mrs. Bloodgood.) I 
don't see the necessitj^ of that mother. (Annie 
to c.) I love him, and I know he'll make a good 
husband. 

Mrs. Bloodgood. Hush, child, you don't 
know anj^thing at all about it. Run away and 
sit down; you don't know how necessary this 
is — you agree with me, don't you, Mr.— -er — • 
Morrison? 

Morrison. You are quite right. I shall be 
glad to refer you to a number of people with 
whom I have had business connections for 
years; I can also refer you to many brethren 
of the masonic lodge to which I belong. 

Mrs. Bloodgood (agreeably surprised). Then 
you are a mason? 

Girls. Isn't that nice? 

Mrs. Bloodgood. That is very nice indeed — 
my husband is a mason too. 

Morrison. Indeed? 

Mrs. Bloodgood (proudly). Yes, he is Wor- 
shipful Master of his Lodge. 

Morrison. Oh, really? 

Mrs. Bloodgood (Glares at him and pro- 
ceeds.) And my son-in-law, Mr. Perry, is also 
a mason ; you must have met him at your Lodge 
— (Morrison shows surprise) — to be sure he 
has been admitted only recently. 

Morrison. I have not been able to attend the 
meetings very regularly of late, that may ac- 
count for my not knowing him as a member, 
but I am delighted to hear it. He's a very dear 
friend of mine! I dare say you will attend 
the ladies' reception after lodge to-morrow eve- 
ning? 



54 ARE YOU A MASON? 

Lulu. Of course we will. (Rises.) 

Mrs. Bloodgood. Do you admit ladies to 
your meetings? 

Morrison. Not to the regular meetings, but 
we have a ladies' day every year. 

Mrs. Bloodgood. Strange! My husband 
never told me. (Lulu sits again.) 

Morrison. It may be different in Rockf ord. 
I am sure you will spend a pleasant evening. 
There will be speeches 

Annie (rises eagerly) . I don't care much for 
that— are you going to dance? 

Morrison. That too — we will have music, 
recitations 

Mrs. Bloodgood. That will be Annie's 
chance— she's a very pretty reciter. 

Morrison (gallantly). We welcome talent 
from every quarter. (Rise.) 

Mrs. Bloodgood. I'm afraid we can't go, 
girls. (Rises.) We have no dresses ! (R.c.) 

Annie. We'll settle that all right, ma. (Girls 
go to mother : Annie r. of her, Lulu l. of her. 
They get in front of Morrison.^ You can 
wear your light grey with the heliotrope 
sleeves. 

Mrs. Bloodgood. It's too tight, I can't hook 
it. 

Lulu. Then wear your green silk princess 
with the duchess lace. 

Annie. Why can't you wear the gown 
dress with the butterflies — ^that's all the style. 

(These two speeches together to Mrs. Blood- 
good.; 

Morrison (has risen during the conversation 



ARE YOU A MASON? 55 

he bows and is trying to say good-bye). 
Ladies — 

Mrs. Bloodgood (without noticing). What 
are you going to wear? 

Annie. I shall wear my pink, with my hair 
done high. 

4.1^^^^' ^ *^^^^ ^^ "^-^^^^ P^^^ ^^ sole with 
the blue pipings is very becoming. I can, if 
necessary, liven it up with a few flowers. (All 
this is ad lib, until Mrs. Bloodgood ' says 
stop/' Morrison goes to the other side of 
stage.) ^ 

(Morrison then goes c) 

Mrs. Bloodgood. Stop! Girls, we haven't a 
moment to lose. Where is Mr. Morrison? 
Ah, there you are ! (Sees him, crosses to him.) 
You must really excuse us, my dear Mr. Morri- 
son, but you know when ladies get talking 
dresses — 

Annie. He'd better get used to that. 

Lulu. Oh, lErnest does not mind that, do 
you? 

Morrison. -Certainly not. But you are en- 
gaged on important business — I won't detain 
you now. 

Mrs. Bloodgood. Come back later in the af- 
ternoon—meanwhile, I'll speak to my husband. 

Lulu (embracing Mrs. Bloodgood;. Oh, you 
darling. (Crosses, kiss one another.) 

Morrison. Then with your permission, I'll 
come back — ladies 

(Motions Lulu to door. He and LuLU kiss on 
the quiet, then Morrison exits r. 2.) 



56 ARE YOU A MASON? 

Annie (crosses to Mrs. Bloodgood and 
walks across to Lulu with her, to cover up the 
kissing,) We must look our best, motlier — 
these New Yorkers shall see that although we 
are from the country we have some notion of 
style. 

Mrs. Bloodgood. We'll ask Eva— she'll tell 
us where we can get what we need, I can't 
wear any of my old dresses. (Going to door, 
calls). Eva! Eva! Come here a moment. 

Eva (off R.I., calls back). All right, mother. 
(Enter Eva r.i.) 

Well, what is it? 

Lulu. Just think, there is a grand ladies' 
reception at the Lodge to-morrow evening. 

Mrs. Bloodgood (c). I consider it very re- 
markable that Frank never as much as hinted 
it — did you know ^anything about it? 

Eva (r.) Not a word — but perhaps he 
wanted to surprise us. 

and (Yes, that's it. He wanted to surprise 

Lulu, f "^• 

Mrs. Bloodgood. Surprises are all very well 
when they don't involve dresses. How in the 
world are we to get anything to wear? 

Eva (gaily). Why, mother, you forget you 
are in New York and not in Rockford. You 
can buy a whole trousseau in less than an 
hour. 

Mrs. Bloodgood. We must make a sort of a 
showing if we go, we owe that to your father, 
as a Worshipful Master. I leave it all to you, 
Eva, to see that the girls are dressed nicely. 
(Go h.) 



ARE YOU A MASON? 57 

Annie. You are a trump, mother. ) Girls go 
Lulu. You're an angel, ma. Sto Mother, 

(These two speeches together,) 

(Girls embrace Mrs. Bloodgood. Enter Perry 

R. ^./ 

Eva (up R.C., shakes her finger at him 
roguishly.) You bad boyil! Why didn't you 
tell us? 

Perry (c). Tell you what? 

Annie (Ij,C.) Look at his guilty face! 
(Eva goes down R.c.^ 

Mrs. Bloodgood (sternly), I don't know 
what to think of you, Frank! (Crosses to 
Frank.; Why this playing hide-and-seek 
with us? Why didn't you tell us? 

Annie. Mr. Morrison, who is a mason, was 
here and told us. 

Perry (crestfallen). Did he? 

Mrs. Bloodgood. You might have shown a 
little more consideration. 

Perry (c, crushed, ready to confess). My 
dear Eva — ^mother. I — confess— I am not 
a 

Mrs. Bloodgood ('l.c, breaks in). Don't try 
to excuse yourself — it's all very well for you 
men ; you get your dress suits out, put them on 
and that ends it. 

Perry (perplexed). Dress suit? What do 
you mean? 

Mrs. Bloodgood. What I say — I don't know 
how we are going to manage. (Goes R.^ 

Eva (crosses to Mrs, Bloodgood;. Oh, don't 
worry, mother. (Up stage with Mrs. Blood- 



58 ARE YOU A MASON? 

GOOD.> Everything will be all ri^ht, we have 
plenty of time. 

Perry (down r., feeling his way). Plenty of 
time? Why, of course you have — ^take my word 
for it. 

'Eva. Will you do me a favor, Frank? 
Perry. Yes. 

Eva (at top of table R.^, Then go round to 
Madame Jdivet's— I have an account there — 
and tell them to send us up some evening 
dresses, and to charge them. I'll give you the 
sizes. 

Perry. May I ask what the occasion is? 

Mrs. Bloodgood. All you have to do is to 
go to Madame What's-her-name, send the 
things up and pay the bill— that shall be your 
punishment. (EvA and Mrs. Bloodgood wp 
stage.) 

Annie. We are all going. (Dancing,) 

Perry (still at sea). Why, of course — 

Lulu. Are you going to dance with me, 
Frank ? 

Perry. Where? Why, certainly. 

IEVa. Oh, give it up, Frank. You intended 
to surprise us, but now the secret is out — Mr. 
Morrison told us about the reception at your 
Lodge to-morrow evening. (Crosses R./ 

Perry. Is that all he told you ? 

Mrs. Bloodgood. Was there anything more 
to tell? 

Perry. Oh! No, no! (cross c. to Mrs. 
Bloodgood;. 

Perry (has himself in hand now). I'll give 
Morrison a piece of my mind! He has nearly 
spoiled everything. 

Annie. Oh, no, no ! 



ARE YOU A MASON? 59 

Perry. Yes, he did. (The girls are L., Eva 

R.; 

Eva. Don't quarrel with him, dear, he, meant 
it ■well. 

Lulu. You must be very nice to him when 
he comes. (Goes to Mrs. Bloodgood.^ 

Perry (worried). Is he coming back? 

Mrs. Bloodgood (goes across stage). Yes, 
later in the afternoon. -Come, girls, we'll have 
our hands full to get ready. Eva will give you 
a list of the things we want. (Takes girls ucross 
stage, exit R,l.) 

(Perry goes uc.) 

Eva. Don't look so cross — we'll make our- 
selves beautiful; father and you will be proud 
of us. (Kisses him.) I shall have to hurry up 
if I'm to get these girls' frocks ready. 

(Exit R.I./ 

Perry (alone) . Father— well, Frankie, your 
goose is cooked! I don't know where I am. I'd 
better make a clean breast of it to the old man 
and throw myself upon his mercy. But first I 
must brace up for the ordeal. (Goes into din- 
ing-room, where he is seen mixing a drink for 
himself,) 

(Enter Bloodgood from L,cJ 

Bloodgood. I believe Frank suspects me. 
(Goes to It.) He looked at me very suspiciously 
when the women folks talked about the Lodge. 
I think it would be a wise move to take him 
into my confidence before the inevitable crash 
comes. 



60 ARE YOU A MASON? 

Perry (wp r.cJ. Oh, father, have a drink? 

Bloodgood. No, thank you. (Perry comes 
down R.C., glass in hand..) Frank — er — iny dear 
Frank — I don't call you brother because 

Perry (good-naturedly). Yes, let's drop the 
brother. 

Bloodgood. Quite right, let us drop the 
^'brother." 

(Perry (laughs). Oh, youVe noticed- 

Bloodgood, Yes, I noticed that 

Perry. That I'm not a ''mason" — I thought 
so. (Turns away R., drinks.) 

Bloodgood (delighted). What? (Goes u few 
steps L., expressing joy and relief.) 

Perry. Good luck, father. (Drinks.) Thank 
Heaven it is out. I had promised 'Eva to join, 
but unfortunately, I forgot all about it. I was 
afraid she would be angry, so I let her think 
I had joined. (He puts his glass on table and 
turns hack to Bloodgood.^ 

(Bloodgood laughs to himself, hut the moment 
Perry turns, he faces him sternly.) 

(Laughingly.) Imagine my dismay when you 

appeared on the scene — ^ha— -ha— ha (The 

laugh dies on his face as he looks Ut Bloodgood. 
Sits down at top of table Rj 

Bloodgood (pompously, with mock severity). 
No wonder you were dismayed. I noticed the 
deception from the start. I didn't say anything 
because I wanted ,to see how far you would go I 

Perry (rises, goes up R,) It was a harmless 
fib. I'm going to get proposed to-^morrow. 

Bloodgood (quickly). Don't you dare! I 
shall use all my influence to keep you out of it. 



ARE YOU A MASON? 61 

Perry. I didn't think you'd take it that way 
father. 

Bloodgood, What right had you to thinl?: I'd 
take it any other way ? You ought to be asham- 
ed of yourself. (Take stage.) Masonry is built 
on truth- — ^^the least deception is foreign to the 
ethics of the order, (Swaggers down h.) 

Perry. All right — ^then I won't join, but for 
Heaven's sake don't tell mother, or she'll never 
lend me the $20,000. (Takes stage R.^ 

Bloodgood ("l.cJ Do you mean to imply, 
sir, that my wife holds the purse strings? You 
won't get the money nov/ under any circum- 
stances. 

Perry, But, my dear father — — 

Bloodgood (crosses to rjJ I'm sick of 
this business— and don't you dare to apply for 
admission. (Loudly.) Do you hear, sir? 

Perry (sits down wearily). You are speak- 
ing loud enough. 

Bloodgood (quietly). That's all right. 
(loudly) Don't you dare ! (Gets right to door, 
throws coat open conceitedly.) Am I a Mason ? 
(Swaggers off.) 

(Exit nj.) 

Perry (c), I'll never tell the truth again. 
(Goes L. and round front of sofa to c.) 

(Enter Fisher quickly.) 

Fisher. Hello, Frank. Where's Annie? 

Perry. In there. 

Fisher. Couldn't I see her for a moment? 

Perry. No. The old lady is about. You got 
me into a nice hole. 



62 ARE YOU A MASON? 

Fisher. I? How's that? Didn't you tell 
your wife you were a mason? 

Perry (up c), I did — and so far so goad — 
I got on swimmingly, but just then the Wor- 
shipful Master turned up with the whole fam- 
ily. 

Fisher (comes down r.c. laughing). I say, 
that is funny. (Sits and laughs R.C.J 

Perry. Don't laugh! You might lose con- 
trol of your face. (Sits on table,) 

Fisher. You would laugh if you were in my 
place. So the old fellow found you out ? 

Perry. I was getting tangled up more and 
more every minute — so I decided to make a 
clean breast of it to him. (Goes L. of Fisher.) 

Fisher. Didn't the humor of the situation 
strike him? 

Perry. Evidently not! He read me the riot 
act and lectured me dike a school boy. The worst 
of all is, that the money I counted on is as good 
as gone. 

Fisher. That's too bad. 

Perry. I don't know what I'm going to do. 
(goes up c.) 

Fisher. Where are you going? (Rises, goes 
to Perry.) 

Perry. I promised to go to Madame Joli- 
vet's and tell them to send up some things for 
the girls. (Stops.) No — can't leave the house. 
I have to lay in wait for that fellow Morrison. 
(Comes down c.) Won't you go for me, 
George? I'll get you the list of the things. 
(Makes a movement to go up.) 

Fisher (thoughtfully). Wait — ^wait — ^didn't 
you say Madame Jolivet's? 

Perry. They are in a hurry. 

Fisher. Wait, I say. (Pause.) By Jove! I 



ARE YOU A MASON? 63 

'have it! Frank, (very impressively) I got you 
into this hole, I'll pull you out again. 

Perry. A new scheme? 

Fisher. And a great one. Listen, didn't 
you tell me yesterday morning of some youth- 
ful marriage of the old man's? Some woman 
who was supposed to have committed suicide on 
his account? 

Perry. Yes — Angeline^ — ^what of it? 

Fisher (brings him down cj. Now suppos- 
ing a daughter of the long-mourned Angeline 
turned up? You are the soie possessor of the 
secret — wouldn't the old man be like a piece of 
putty in your hands ? 

Perry (enthusiastically). By jingo, you are 
right! (Crosses to h.) (Downhearted again.) 
No — ^no — I can't enter into your new scheme — 
my nerve is all gone. 

Fisher. I shan't need you--all you'll have 
to do is to arrange a meeting between the old 
man and the girl. 

Perry. But the girl— where are you going 
to get the girl. 

Fisher. She stands before you. 

Perry. You? 

Fisher. Yes, I. I've played Charlie's Aunt 
and now I'm going to play the little French 
milliner — Fanchon Armitage. 

Perry. What, the girl at Madame Jolivet's? 

Fisher. A very disinterested young person 
— for a little consideration she will lend us a 
helping hand. 

Perry (with enthusiasm), George, I'm 
yours for dife if you can see through this suc- 
cessfully. 

Fisher, That's all right, my boy. By the 
way, have you a photo of Angelina's faithless 



64 ARE YOU A MASON ? 

lover in liis younger days? 

Perry (l., takes a picture from mantle). 
Here is one. 

Fisher. I can't say much for Angelina's 
taste — however, it will answer my purpose. 
(Pockets it.) I'm off now— there's not a sec- 
ond to be lost. 

Perry. Wait for me downstairs, I'll get 
the list. 

Fisher. Come, det's hurry up^ 

(Both exeunt E.2,J 

(Enter Bloodgood with hat and cane n,l.) 

Bloodgood. The young rascal! Passes him- 
self off as a mason. I wonder how he ever 
hit upon that dodge— I thought it was orig- 
inal with me. Well, it takes a clever fellow to 
keep it up for twenty years. (Crosses C, turn 
up,) 

(Enter Mrs. Bloodgood r.i.) 

Mrs. Bloodgood. Wait a minute, Amos. I 
have something important to tell you. 

Bloodgood. Well? 

Mrs. Bloodgood. A young man has been 
here-— he proposed for Lulu's hand. 

Bloodgood. You don't say so. 

Mrs. Bloodgood. He seemed a very nice 
and steady young man 

Bloodgood, That's good — for I am sorry to 
say the young men nowadays are of little ac- 
count as a whole. 

Mrs. Bloodgood (sneeringly). Indeed? 
What about the young men of your time? 



ARE YOU A MASON ? 65 

Bloodgood (evasively). What do you 
mean? 

Mrs. Bloodgood. Remember, Angeline! 

Bloodgood (at back of sofa h,) For Heav- 
en's sake, Caroline, let the poor creature rest 
in peace. Who is your prospective son-in-lav7 
— ^what is he? 

Mrs. Bloodgood. I haven't had any chance 
to make any inquiries. His name is Morrison 
— ^he told me that he is an architect. The one 
thing greatly in his favour is, that he is a 
mason! (Take stage c) 

Bloodgood (startledr— drops Ms hat behind 
the sofa.) A mason!!? (Forgets himself; loud- 
ly) That won't do ! 

Mrs. Bloodgood, What won't do? 

Bloodgood (trying to get out of it — -comes 
to her), Er— let me see — ^Morrison — Morri- 
son—did you say Morrison was his name? 

Mrs. Bloodgood. Do you know him? 

Bloodgood. No-— but— er- — I did happen to 
hear that he was rather fast— although per- 
haps that wouldn't make any difference. 

Mrs. Bloodgood (sarcastically). Oh, it 
wouldn't, eh? 

Bloodgood. A young fellow has to sow his 
wild oats — ^^he'll be all right after he gets mar- 
ried and 

Mrs. Bloodgood (excited), I beg to differ 
with you on that point! 

Bloodgood. I think he was named as co-res- 
pondent in a divorce case— but that does not 
concern us. I guess he's all right otherwise. 

Mrs. Bloodgood (c). Is he indeed? So, 
you suppose for one moment that I am going 
to trust my daughter's happiness to a man 
like that? 



Q6 ARE YOU A MASON? 

Bloodgood. Come — come — ^Caroline, we 
can't all be saints. I dare say he is a nice 
enough young fellow. 

Mrs. Bloodgood. How dare you ? How dare 
you take his part? Of course, a dissolute fel- 
low like that would suit you for a son-in-law. 
What a nice companion he would be, if you 
chose to go back to your old ways. (Crosses 
E.) I'll tell Lulu at once to put that repro- 
bate out of her head. 

Bloodgood (uneasily.) Break it gently to 
her, Caroline. 

Mrs. Bloodgood. I know exactly how to 
break it to her. 

(Exit U.l.) 

Bloodgood (laughs). That settles Morri- 
son. (Calls,) Caroline! 

(Exit R.I. after her,) 

(Lottie enters, followed by Travers r. 2) 
Travers. Take my name to the ladies, fair 

Delilah. (Pats her cheek,) 
Lottie. I'll not thank you for callin' me 

names, sorr. 

(Travers crosses h,) 

Lottie's me name. 

Travers. A very charming name, my dear. 
Should Mr. Perry happen to be in, tell him 
I'm calling on business about the Lodge. 

Lottie (draius away from him). Are ye 
one of them ruffians too? I'll not stay in this 
house another day. 



ARE YOU A MASON? 67 

(Exit, running off R.2 in terror,) 

(Perry enters brightly from music-room, 

sees TraversJ 

Perry (curtly). You here ag'ain! 

Travers. The ladies were good enough to 
ask me to call soon again — and, as a gentle- 
man, I had to respond to a wish expressed by 
such charming lips. 

Perry (quite loud.) Enough of that tom- 
foolery — get out of here, or by Jove — — 

Travers. My dear brother Perrj^— — 

(Enter Mrs. Bloodgood, Annie and Eva r.i J 

Mrs. Bloodgood. What is all this noise 
here? Oh, Mr. Travers! (Eva behind sofa.) 

Annie (r.). So glad you came! 

Eva (at back sofa R.^. We were going to 
ask my husband to send for you. 

Travers (to Perry;. Do you hear that? (To 
the ladies.) You v/ere really too kind ! 

Mrs. Bloodgood Cr.c.^. What brings you 
back so soon? 

Tracers. Er — some business connected 
with the Lodge- — er— yes^ — I am taking up a 
collection— for a masonic charity. 

Mrs. Bloodgood, I hope my son-in-law 
will distinguish himself as a new member by 
a large contribution. 

Travers. We just had some words on that 
account. {Annie comes to Mrs. Bloodgood J 
Brother Perry insisted on giving $100—1 ar- 
gued it was too much, (Eva crosses to desk.) 

Mrs. Bloodgood. Not for such a worthy; 
charity. 



68 ARE YOU A MASON ? 

Travers. Oh, well, madam, if you think 
so. (To PerryJ Well, brother Perry, write 
out a check for one hundred. 

Eva. Sit down here, Frank. (Pointing to 
desk.) 

[Perry (as he passes Travers, aside). This 
is blackmail, you scoundrel. (To desk—^write 
check.) 

Travers (aside.) My revenge. . 

(Perry writes check— ^y a stands behind him. 
Mrs. Bloodgood goes sits sofa h.) 

Annie. Mr, Travers, I have a great favor 
to ask of you. Mamma wants me to recite 
something at the reception to-morrow evening. 

Mrs. Bloodgood. And we thought you 
might help us with your vast experience. 
(Crosses h.) 

Travers (comes down c). I am your man, 
madam. A recitation ? Wouldn't you rather do 
•something a little better— a little sketch — or 
playlet as they call it. 

Annie. Oh, that would be delightful! Do 
you think I could do it? 

Travers. Certainly. (Goes to Annie.^ I 
have a little play in my pocket. (Produces 
manuscript) It has not been produced yet— 
it is at your disposal. (Gives it to her.) We 
might run through the lines. 

Annie. Oh, charming ! (Goes down R. look- 
ing at it.) 

Mrs. Bloodgood. What is the title? 

(Annie sits r. of table R.) 
Travers. "The Last Highball" 



ARE YOU A MASON ? 69 

Annie (laughs), A comedy? 

Mrs. Bloodgood/ What is the plot? 

Travers (to Mrs. Bloodgoodj. There is a 
wife who is in the habit of taking stimulants, 
and her husband is trying to break her of it. 
The play has a very good moral. Will you be 
kind enough to get me a bottle of rye and some 
devilled kidneys? 

Perry. No! What's that for? 

Travers. A prop— -props are essential at 
rehearsals. 

Eva. We have some fine old rye, Mr. Tra- 
vers, but I don't think that we have any devilled 
kidneys in the house. 

Travers. No devilled kidneys? No devilled 
kidneys? That's too bad. The devilled kidneys 
were the funniest things in the play. They 
laughed themselves to death at the devilled 
kidneys — ^but perhaps I might make a couple 
of chicken sandwiches do. 

Eva. I'll see what I can do for you. (Goes 
up,) 

Travers. Oh, Mrs. Perry, I prefer the liver 
wing. 

EVA. I'll get it for you. 

(She exits into dining-room r.cJ 

Travers. Ah, thank you. Thank you, ma- 
dam. (Points to stage.) Now this is the stage. 
(Points to audience,) There is the audience — 
here the manuscript. You play Mary, the young 
wife. I'll be Charley, the husband. (Sits L. of 
table R.) 

Annie (looking into MS.), It says here "an 
idiot.'' 



70 ARE YOU A MASON? 

Travers. Ah! (Points to Perry J You are 
the idiot ! 

(Enter Eva with plate, bottle and glass.) 

Perry (jumps up). What's that! (Comes to 
c.) 

Travers (explaining — jumps up), A lunatic 
— a chap crazed by excessive drink. 

Perry. That's in your line — ^^why don't you 
play it? 

Travers. I'm Charley, the young husband 
(Takes sandwich.) 

Mrs. Bloodgood \ ^ t^ , • a. ^ 
^^ ( Come, Frank — ^just for 

Eva. f the fun of it. 

Perry (resigned). All right. What do you 
want me to do? (Gnashes his teeth at Tra- 
VERS.; 

Travers. Splendid I Wonderful! The very 
thing. 

Annie (laughs.) I never thought you could 
make such a stupid face, Frank. 

Mrs. Bloodgood. Tt looks so natural. 

Perry (furiously), I want to know what 
I've got to do? 

Travers. Just stick to that tone — you are 
a born actor. Now, you hide behind the screen. 
(Points to desk.) There's the screen. So, now 
you are behind the screen — you watch me 
drink, and get very angry. 

Perry. I am— I am so angry I could— — 
(Starts C.) 

Travers. You are all right. Just hold that a 
minute. (Claps sUndwich in Perry's hand, he 
throius it in fireplace.) Now let us begin. (Sits 



ffi' 



ARE YOU A MASON ? 71 

chair R., pours out a stiff drink J You have the 
first Hne, Miss Bloodgood: "Come, Charley, 
have a drink " 

Annie (amateurishly), "Come, Charley, 
have a drink -' (Makes awkward gesture.) 

Travers. I will. (Drinks and refills glass.) 
Very good. (Pours out another.) But pardon 
me. Miss Bloodgood, doesn't it say: "Have 
another drink'' in the manuscript? 

Annie (looks into hook). Oh, yes — -"Come, 
Charley, have another drink." 

Travers. I will. (Drinks and refills again.) 
Ah! I didn't know the part was such a good 
one. Very good, but you ought to emphasize 
the word "drink" a little more. 

Annie. "Drink !" a little more. 

Travers. I will. (Drinks and refills.) 

Perry (angrily). I say, leave some manu- 
script in that glass. I mean some bottle in that 
manuscript — I — oh ! 

Travers. Not a bit like it! You ought to be 
mad. 

Perry. I am mad ! I am ready for a lunatic 
asylum. (Come to c.) ' 

Travers. That's it- -my boy — ^that's it. 

(Lottie enters R. 2.) 

Lottie. Two ladies from Madam Jollitie, 
ma'am. 

Mrs. Bloodgood. At last. 

Annie. Our things, (Rise, go R.) Please ex- 
cuse us — we must go and try them on. 

Travers, Certainly, ladies. I'll call again to- 
morrow for a dress rehearsal ! 



72 ARE YOU A MASON? 

(Mrs. Bloodgood, Eva, Annie and Lottie 
exeunt R. l.^ 

Perry. If you ever set foot in my house 
ag'ain 1*11 murder you. 

Travers. But, my dear brother 

Perry. If you don't get out I'll hit you. 

Travers. I always knew you were not a 
gentleman. Good day, sir. Excuse me. 

(Travers tries to get hold of bottle — Perry 
rushes at him, Travers dodges and exits R.2 J 

(Enter Lottie from r.i.^ 

Lottie. Missus wants the ladies from the 
store to wait here. (To R.2 J Come in here and 
make yersiives comfortable until the missus 
wants ye. 

(Enter Fisher and Fanchon Armitage, 
dressed exactly alike. They cross to sofa L. 
and sit simultaneously, Fanchon R. of sofa, 
Fisher h,) 

(Exit Lottie r.i.> 

(Enter Perry and slaps Fanchon on 
shoulder,) 

Perry (laughingly, as he slaps Fanchon 07i 
back,) By Jove, George, you look great! 

Fanchon (gives a little scream). Oh, mon- 
sieur ? 

Fisher (laughing). Don't you know a wom- 
an when you see one, you silly ass? Ha, Hal 



A'EE YOU A MASON ? 73 

Perry (looks from one to another). No? 
Well, that beats me ! 

Fanchon. Oh, Monsieur Fisher, I am so 
f rig'htened ! If I lose my position ? 

Fisher. Don't worry, everything will be all 
right. Not even Frank knew me. 

{Enter Lottie r. i.^ 

Lottie. Mrs. Perry wants the fitter. 

(Exit R. 2.) 

Fisher (loud), Allez vous en, ma chere. 

(Gives her a little shove.) 
Fanchon. Oh, mon Dieu! 

(Exit R.2.; 

Perry. Man alive, you are great! 
Fisher. Where's the old man? 

(Enter Bloodgood r.i.; 

Perry. Hush ! 

Bloodgood. Where the dickens did I leave 
my hat? (Crosses stage to C.) I can't find my 
hat. (Goes up c.) 

Perry (loud, to Fisher^. I'm afraid, miss, 
you'll have to wait a little while. 

Fisher. Merci, monsieur, that is nothingo 

Bloodgood (up r,c., sees Fisher, whistles). 
Phew ! That's a stunner. 

Perry. What are you looking for, father? 

Bloodgood. My hat — I want to go out to get 
some cigars. (Crosses stage, keeps his eyes 
riveted on Fisher, who ogles him.) I say^ 



74 ARE won A OyrASON ? 

Frank, have you — er — si decent cigar in the 
house? 

CFlSHER flirting with Bloodgood.^^ 

Perry (takes out cuse,) Are these good 
enough for you? 

Bloodgood (without looking at them — keep- 
ing eyes on Fisher.^ Too strong for me, 
Frank, too strong. Er — ^would you mind going 
and getting me some, I can't find my hat. (Pre- 
tends to look for hat, he sees it and quickly 
kicks it under the sofa,) 

Fisher (aside). Pie's nibbling — get out! 

Perry (aside to Fisher^. This is delicious. 
(Loud, to Bloodgood.; Don't bother, I'll go 
down where I always buy my cigars, at Grune- 
baum's. It's quite a distance though^ (Exits 

Bloodgood (quickly). You needn't hurry 
back, Frank, take your time. (Going up R. — 
shuts door R. 2., then dovm R.; then smiles at 
Fisher. Goes up to Fisher, who is standing 
L.C.; What is your name, my dear ? 

Fisher. Fanchon, monsieur. 

Bloodgood. Fanchon, eh? A very pretty 
name — almost as pretty as the bearer— he — he 
— ^he — ^won't you sit down? 

Fisher. Merci, monsieur, vous etes tres aim- 
able. 

Bloodgood. Don't you speak English, my 
dear? 

Fisher. S'e§, ineestre — ^not so good. 

Bloodgood. You know ladies always like to 
take time "v\^hen they try on dresses. (Pats 
Fisher's hand.) Come, sit down, my child, 
you'll tire your pretty little feet. 



ARE YOU A MASON? 75 

Fisher (coquettishly shows his foot), Dey 
not so small as monsieur tink. 

Bloodgood (looking). But they are! Oh, do 
sit down. To please me. 

Fisher. Eh bien, to please monsieur. (They 
go and sit sofa h,, Bloodgood r., Fisher l.) 
Oh, you are so kind — (sighs)— -so sympathetic 
— ^your face is ver' familiar — I do not know- 
so ver' familiar. 

Bloodgood. Familiar— -show's that? 

Fisher. Oh, it remin' me of a ver' dear 
friend. 

Bloodgood. You little rogue! He — ^he—how 
could I help being kind to sl pretty girl like 
you? (Takes hand, pats it.) 

Fisher. Oh, monsieur, you make me blush 
red, 

Bloodgood. Have you a sweetheart? 

Fisher. Oh, monsieur, I am too young. 

Bloodgood. If you could make up your mind 
to be nice to me— — (Pats his hand again.) 

Fisher. Oh, this is so sudden. (Draws away 
from him.) 

Mrs. Bloodgood (off r.) Amos, where are 
you? 

Bloodgood.^ The devil ! Coming, dear, com- 
ing. (Crosses stage to door R.i.) Don't go — I'll 
be back in a jiffy. (Throws kiss,) Little pet! 

(Exit R.l.J> 

Fisher (returns kiss). Mon cherili 
(Laughs.) I'm getting on like a house afire. 
(Across stage and back with manly strides to 
emphasize his being a man— then gets h.) 

(Eva enters quickly R, 2.) 



76 ARE YOU A MASON? 

Eva. The other young lady is busy with my 
sisters. You had better attend to me— here's 
the tape measure. liook at this skirt— -how does 
it hang? 

Fisher (aside). Great Scott! (Embarrassed) 
Oh— er—- madam— er™ it — er -— hangs all the 
way down. 

Eva. I think tlie underskirt shows at the 
back? (Looks at it) Yes, it does. Put a pin 
in it. 

Fisher (horrified). Pin it? 

Eva (a little impatient). Yes, pin it! 

Fisher (feels himself over helplessly for a 
pin — finally takes hatpin out of hat and pins 
skirt with it). Voila, .madam! 

Eva. Is it all right now? (Goes E.) 

Fisher. Oh, oui, madam. I put a pin in it. 

Eva. I think it hangs well otherwise? 

Fisher (come to n.c). Oh, it must, when 
one has a figure like madam. 

Eva. Oh, thank you. 

Fisher. I think the figure of madam and 
myself are very much the same. 

Eva. You think so— what corset do you 
wear? 

Fisher. The straight front. Down in ze 
front — up in ze back — it is all the style, the 
Kangeroo. It gives the beautiful lines. 

Eva (flattered). I am getting a little stout. 

Fisher. Madam is just right. 

Eva (laughs). Thank you. Now look at the 
waist. 

Fisher (walks round her awkwardly). It 
is very pretty, but I think, madam, with her 
fair complexion and dark hair ought to wear 
ze baby blue— perhaps with — box pleats run- 



AiRE YOU A MASON ? 77 

ning around her-— with yellow butterflies inser- 
tion applique on green panne velvet. 

Eva (with gesture). No, I don't think I 
should like the box pleats. 

(Enter Perry r.2.; 

(Perry. Here are your cigars, father. (Sees 
Fisher.; What's this? 

{Yl^nm,^ behind Eva's hack, motions him to 

shut up,) 

Eva. Sit down, Frank, the girl is fitting my 

new dress. 
Perry. The other one is the fitter. 
Eva. This one is just as good. 
Fisher. Yes, I'm just as good. 

(Fisher fumbles round Eva's waist — he looks 
at Perry and smiles. Perry glares at Fish- 
er, his fists clinched behind his back.) 
Eva. Don't stare at the girl, Frank, you 

make her nervous. Oh, you tickle me ! 

Perry (madly). How dare you tickle my 

wife? 

Fisher. Pardon, monsieur. 

(EtVA. What is the matter with you, Frank — 

sit down ! 

(Perry sits R.C. and keeps his eyes riveted on 

Fisher.; 

IEva (points to waist line). I think it wants 
to be taken in a little — ^just here. It's too loose. 

Fisher. Perhaps if monsieur will fetch a 
pair of scissors I will cut him. 



78 ARE YOU A MASON? 

EVA. Cut it. Certainly not. Take it in. 

Fisher. Take him in. 

Eva. Yes, just put a pin in it, you had bet- 
ter pin it. Give her a pair of scissors, Frank. 

Fisher (gets another hatpin out of his hat 
and tries to pin the waist), Oui, madam! 

Eva. Ouch ! 

Perry (jumps up). What now? 

Eva. She hurt me. 

Perry (to Fisher;. If you can't do better 
than that — you'd better get out! (Up stage,) 

Eva. She is all right, but you frighten her. 

Fisher. Oui, madam, he frighten me — my 
heart go pitti-pat and my hand shake so while 
monsieur is here. 

Eva. Let her alone, Frank. Now take my 
waist measure first. {Hands him tape.) 

Fisher. Ah — round here. (Indicates waist,) 
Perry up stage threatens him: he hesitates, 
Eva looks around, catches him.) 

Eva. Whatever are you doing, Frank? 

Fisher. I think madam, he is trying to flirt 
with me. (Frank, disgusted, goes up stage,) 

Eva. Well, come on. 

Fisher. Oui, madam, I come on. (Measure 
waist; quickly.) "73." 

Eva. What! 

Fisher. I got the wrong side upside down. 
(Has looked at the ivrong side, quickly corrects 
himself) Oh, "23." 

Eva. That's more like it. 

Fisher. Yes, 23 is better than 73 round 
here (Indicates waist.) 

Eva. I should think so. Now measure — 

Perry (shouts). Somebody's coming! 

Eva. Somebody's coming? Come to another 
room, please. (She exits R. 2.) 



ARE YOU A MASON ? 79 

(Fisher makes movement to follow her: 
Perry darts between him and the door, Fish- 
er runs off L. C. screaming with laughter, 
followed by PERRY. Fanchon enters quickly 
from R.2. Bloodgood enters almost at the 
same time from R.i., sneaks up to Fanchon, 
puts his arms round her.) 

Bloodgood. Going, little one? 
Fanchon (slaps his face). You crazy! Old 
fool! 

(Exit quickly R.I.^ 

Bloodgood (looks at his hand). Well, I de- 
clare! (Turns away L,) 

(Fisher, who sa^ the little scene, appears in 
doorway, gets R. of Bloodgood, and looks at 
him with a seductive smile the moment he 
turns again,) 

Fisher. Pardon, m'sieu, I didn't know it 
was you. 

Bloodgood (begins to beam again). You are 
a little spitfire. Are you sorry? 

Fisher. Very sorry. 

Bloodgood. I'm glad you didn't run away. 

Fisher. I could not— you are so sympathetic 
— ^I like you. 

Bloodgood. Do you really? 

Fisher. Oh, very much. 

Bloodgood (coming to Fisher again, leads 
Mm to chair L. of table.) Couldn't we meet 
somewhere— -quite informally? How would you 
like to go to a little lunch with me at the Wal- 
dorf? 



80 ARE YOU A MASON? 

Fisher. Ali, certainly. (Pretends to blush, 
turns away.) 

Bloodgood. I could call at your house for 
you 

(Bloodgood brings chair and sits h. of 

Fisher.; 

Fisher (quickly). Oh, non, not there. 

Bloodgood. Why not ? 

Fisher. My reputation— and I have only 
such a little apartment. ' 

Bloodgood. And where do you live? 

Fisher. One Hundred and Seventy-Five 
Street. 

Bloodgood. With your parents? 

Fisher (sadly). Oh, non, monsieur, I live by 
myself only. (Tearfully.) I have nobody. 

Bloodgood. Poor little girl. 

Fisher. My mamma is dead long ago. 
(Leans head against Bloodgood's shoulder.) 

Bloodgood. And your father? (Puts his 
arms round him.) 

Fisher. I never had a papa ! 

Bloodgood. Hov^ extraordinary! 

Fisher. Oui — he gave mamma the — ^what 
you call— ze shake. 

Bloodgood. The wretch! 

Fisher. Oh, do not speak so unkindly of 
him. Mamma love him— ah, so much; she al- 
ways carry his picture jand she give it to me. 
Look, perhaps you can 'elp me find papa. 
(Hands him photo.) 

Bloodgood (takes it.) Let us see — maybe I 
know the scoundrel. (Looks at it.) Great 
Heavens! (Rise, go C.) Is it possible? This 
is my— what was the name of your mother? 



., umJA < *mi^ «a iM'fffS iiSimBSl^ 




AEE YOU A MASON? 81 

Fisher. Angeline. 

Bloodgood. Not Ang-eline Fichu? (Throws 
photo on sofa h.) 

Fisher. Yes— Angeline Fichu — ^she kept a 
millinery shop. 

Bloodgood. Angeline Fichu — ^what now? 
(Goes to chair and sits again.) 

Fisher (takes picture, looks at it— looks at 
Bloodgood). Mon Dieu — ^is it possible? Mais 
oui—it is— -it is ! I have found him— oh, papa— 
mon cher papa— embrasse la f ille de ton Ange- 
line. Take to your heart the daughter of Ange- 
line. (Throws himself at Bloodgood's feet) 

Bloodgood. Hush! husK! 

Fisher. Oh, my papa ! 

Bloodgood. Hush- — ^keep quiet — calm your- 
self! 

Fisher (as if he were rousing himself after 
a dream). Is it true? (Weeps.) I cannot be- 
lieve it — ^^oh, mon papa — ^je suis si heureuse — 
oh, I am so 'appy, so 'appy. (Buries his face in 
his hands, his arms rest on Bloodgood's knees.) 

Bloodgood (flustered Und worried). Yes — 
yes— but keep quiet, my daughter. I'll provide 
for you. (He gently pushes Fisher away, rises 
und crosses la.) 

Fisher ("l., drying his eyes). Oh, chere ma- 
man in ze 'eaven, I 'ave a papa. (He throws 
himself at Bloodgood. J A nice, good papa! 

(Bloodgood frightened, watching the door, 
holds him at bay.) 

(Pouting.) Don't you love your little daugh- 
ter, papa? 

Bloodgood. Yes, darling. (Takes him into 



82 ARE YOU A iMASON ? 

his arms.) But you must not scream so. First 
of all, you don't go back to the shop. 

Fisher. Oh, mon papa. 

Bloodgood. I'll start you in business. 

Fisher. On Fifth Avenue? 

Bloodgood. How much v/ould that cost? 

Fisher. Oh, not more that $20,000. 

Bloodgood. Is that all? You shall have it; 
only do me the favor of keeping quiet. 

Fisher. My papa ! (Violent embrace.) 

Bloodgood (throws his arms round him.) 
My daughter! (Perry enters L.c.^ 

(Mrs. Bloodgood enters r.i. in a new dress.) 

Mrs. Bloodgood. How do you like this? 
(Screams.) Amos ! 
Bloodgood. Caroline ! (Cross h.) 

(Last two speeches together). 

Perry. The explosion! 

Mrs. Bloodgood (highly indignant). Oh, 
you — ^you — ^you ! ! ! How dare you carry on 
an intrigue with a shop-girl in your daughter's 
house? 

Bloodgood. Caroline— I beg of you, let me 
explain 

Mrs. Bloodgood. Out of rny sight, monster ! 

Fisher. Oh, madam— 

Mrs. Bloodgood. Silence, hussy! 

(Enter Eva r.2.) 

Bloodgood (Cross C, pulling himself to- 
gether). Stop, Caroline! (Draivs Fisher ten- 
derly towards him.) Do with me as you please 
-—but don't insult this innocent child ! I alone 
am the guilty one. This— this is my long- 



ARE YOU A MASON ? 83 

neglected daughter — ^the child of Angeline. 

Perry (unseen by those on stage — shaking 
with laughter). This is too rich! 

Mrs. Bloodgood. Another of your lies? 

Bloodgood. No — no — ^Caroline, I am speak- 
ing the truth — ^this is Angeline's daughter — 
she told me so a moment ago. 

Mrs. Bloodgood. You never told me there 
was a daughter? 

Bloodgood. I did not know it myself. 

Mrs. Bloodgood. And you dare to bring 
this living proof of your faithlessness before 
my very eyes? 

Bloodgood. Caroline, that was before we 
were married. 

Mrs. Bloodgood. I don't care, everything is 
over between us ! Begone and take your daugh- 
ter with you. (Goes R.) 

Eva. Mother, how can you be so unforgiv- 
ing? 

Mrs. Bloodgood. Do you expect me to open 
my arms to that ? 

Fisher (pretends to cry.) Oh, mamma. 

(Warn Curtain.^ 

Bloodgood. My poor child! 

Eva. Well, if everybody casts her off I'll 
take her up — come to my sisterly heart! (Goes 
embraces FiSHER.j 

Mrs. Bloodgood. What? 

Bloodgood. My daughter! 

Perry (laugh dies from his face— comes on), 
I protest. (To Fisher.^ Leave this house in- 
stantly ! 

Bloodgood. Very well — ^come, my child, 
we'll leave this house together. 



84 ARE YOU A MASON? 

(Annie and Lulu enter r.i.> 

Eva. Annie — Lulu — ^this is our sister! 
Lulu. Not really ! 

Eva. She wants to leave us again — ^heip me 
to persuade her to stay vi^ith us ! 
Annie i 

and [(together). You must! 
Lulu ) 

Perry. We have no room for her ! 
Annie. She can share my room. 
Lulu. She can share mine too. 

(They embrace Fisher.^ 

Mrs. Bloodgood. And I say "no !" 

Eva. Then she'll stop with us ! (Kisses her,) 

Perry. I'll throw her out of the window. 

Bloodgood. We shall see! 

Perry. We shall ! 

(Eva, Annie and Lulu surround Fisher, em- 
brace and kiss him,) 

Fisher (returns their embraces.) To please 
you, sisters, I will stay! 

Perry (trying to get at FisherJ. Are you 
all mad? 

Bloodgood. If you dare to lay hands on that 
child ! 

Perry. Ha — ^ha— child ! 

(Halton enters, red as a lobster, dripping with 
perspiration. He taps Bloodgood on shoul- 
der. Bloodgood, to whom his re-appearance 
is the last straw, collapses on arm of sofa.) 
All show surprise. 

Curtain. 



ARE YOU A MASON ? 85 

ACT III 

PROPERTIES 

Fish Globe and Pedestal L. to he brought for- 
ward — the chair to be placed against scene in 
its place. All other set properties as before. 

Scene — Same, 

(When curtain rises, discovered lEVA back of 
table, Fisher l. of table (as Fanchon;, 
Lulu r. of table. The Girls are humming 
some song while sewing— Fibjieb. sews on a 
ragged-looking ruche with a heavy long 
thread — he is awkvjard : after a few seconds 
he stops seiving and sighs, Annie keeps 
looking at him all the time and shakes her 
head, Annie on sofa L,) 

Eva. You must not sigh like that, sister 
dear. Your troubles are over, and we are all 
so fond of you. 

Lulu. Mother has consented to your going 
home with us to Rockford, and some day a nice 
man will fall in love with you and marry you. 

Fisher. That would be so nice. 

Eva. You must be hungry— won't you have 
something? A piece of cake and lemonade? 

Fisher. A piece of cake and lemonade? No, 
thank you, I'm not hungry. (The thread slips 
out of his needle.) Damn ! 

Girls (shocked). Fanchon! ^ 

Fisher. Oh, mille pardon — the girls in the 
shop teach me that. (Tries to thread his 
needle.) 



86 ARE YOU A MASON? 

Annie. These New York shop-girls must 
be horrid creatures. 

Fisher (quickly). Oh, I don't know — ^they 
came very near spoiling me — ^oh, no — I mean 
yes—very horrid. 

(Lulu sighs.) 

Eva What's the matter with you? 

Lulu. I'm worried about Ernest. This 
morning mother seemed quite favorably in- 
clined towards him, and now all of a sudden I 
am not to think of him any more. 

Eva. Cheer up, Lulu, mother was opposed 
to Frank in the beginning, but we got each 
other all the same. 

Lulu. Well, if it comes to the worst, we'll 
run away together. 

Eva. Hush— there's mother. 

(Fisher has in the meantime succeeded in 
threading his needle and is sewing industri- 
ously: all sing. Enter Mrs. BLOODGbOD l.C. 
— watches the group,) 

Mrs. Bloodgood. How sweet they look 
there, sitting together. 

(Looks at Fisher, who has redoubled his ac- 
tivity and sews with a thread longer than his 
arm. The third time Mrs. Bloodgood, hav- 
ing dodged his hand previously, catches it in 
hers.) , 

How can you sew with such a long thread, 
Fanchon ? 

Fisher. Oh, madam, we have so much 



ARE YOU A MASON? 87 

thread in the shop where they teach me and 
they are not stingy. (Pricks herself,) Ouch! 
(Bus.; 

Mrs. Bloodgood. Where is your thimble? 

E'VA (hands him one). Here, Fanchon, take 
mine! 

Fisher. Mercil (Looks at it— does not 
know on which finger to put it, finally puts it 
on fourth finger, Mrs. Bloodgood takes it off 
and puts it on second finger of R. hand, gives 
it a little pat,) 

Mrs. Bloodgood (looks at his sewing), I 
can see that your education has been sorely 
neglected. 

(Fisher sighs und acquiesces,) 

Eva. There- — I've finished. (Starts to go.) 

Lulu. So have I. 

Mrs. Bloodgood. Which one of you girls will 
look at this dress ? (Crosses u.) 

Eva. I will, mother. (Exit with Lulu r.i.J 

Mrs. Bloodgood. Fanchon, stand up. (He 
does it.) Fanchon, tell me— do you look any- 
thing like your mother? 

Fisher. Madam, I am the perfect image of 
her 

Mrs. Bloodgood Cr.c.;. Is it possible? 
(Crosses B.) And I have been jealous of that 
woman for twenty years. 

(Exit R.I.; 

Fisher (nods wearily). Oui, madam. (Sits 
as before.) 

(Annie; puts sewing on desk L,) 



88 ARE YOU A MASON? 

I don't like my step-mamma'!! 

Annie. Isn't mother a dear? (Sitting Lj 

Fisher. She's a coo-coo! 

Annie. What's that? , 

Fisher, A bird — a French term of endear- 
ment. 

(Pause-— FiSBER keeps on sewing.) 

Fisher. I am tired. 

Annie. Why don't you stop? 

Fisher. Shall I? 

Annie. Come, sit near me and let's chat. 

(Fisher puts uway sewing and stretches him- 
self like a man, the seams of his dress crack 
and he quickly remembers his character — he 
sits on sofa next to Annie. Annie takes his 
hand and looks at him.) 

Fisher. What do you think when you look 
like that with your pretty grey eyes? 

Annie. You look so much like somebody — 

Fisher. Somebody you love? 

Annie. I did at one time. 

Fisher. And you love him no more? 

Annie. I ought not to. 

Fisher. Why not? 

Annie. We heard he was bad and— 

Fisher, That's a lie— that is no true—he 
love you— 
■ Annie. How do you know? 

Fisher. He could 'eip no more loving you 
than I could— a girl with a tooth like you 
have— a hair— a mouth— a feet, and hands- 
such pretty little hands. (He presses her 
hands.) 



ARE YOU A MASON? 89 

Annie (embarrassed a little, with her eyes 
doion). Have you ever been in love? 

Fisher (sighs). Oh, oui! Plenty of times! 
Annie. Hov/ does it feel to be in love ? 
Fisher. Oh, pretty g:ood. 
Annie. Tell me 

(Fisher conquers his desire to throw his arms 
uround her,) 

Tell me— -have you ever been kissed by a man? 

Fisher (emphatically). Never ! ! ! 

Annie. Neither have I— — ~ 

Fisher (quickly). Oh, you darling— really? 
I wonder if you will like it? 

Annie (naively) . I think I should like to be 
kissed by— er — ^George. 

Fisher. By George ! Is that whom you love? 

Annie (very modestly and naively). Yes. 

(Fisher, tickled, crosses his legs — enjoys the 

situation,) 

I have told my secret— now you must tell me 
yours. 

Fisher, I also am in love, 

Annie. Are you really — -is he nice? 

Fisher. Oh, it is not a "he" at all. 

Annie. Not a man ? Who is it? 

Fisher, My pretty little sister. 

Annie, Oh! (Rises,) You love me like a 
sister. (Pouts.) Is he nice? Tell me — ^you 
are not acting like a friend. 

Fisher. That is because we have not yet 
sealed our friendship- — ^we must kiss. (Goes to 
her.) 

Annie. Very well then— come on— one for 



90 ARE YOU A MASON ? 

friendship (kiss), one for love (kiss), and one 
our faithfulness to prove. (Kiss.) 

(Fisher lingers on the last kiss — Annie draw- 
ing away from him, goes E.) 

Fisher. Why do you go away, don't you 
like to be kissed by me? (Going to Annie.^ 

Annie (bashfully). Yes. 

Fisher, Then why do you stop? (Kisses her 
again — three kisses.) All good things are 
three. 

Annie. It is so different — ^when I kiss other 
girls. 

Fisher (drops his dialect). They weren't 
the right sort of girls (on the point of laugh- 
ing) that's all. (Kisses her again.) 

(Annie screams — runs into a corner and hides 
her face in her hands. Fisher follows her — 
forces her to lookout him: she, puzzled, puts 
her R. hand to his cheek, strokes it — discov- 
ers beard,) 

Annie. O'h, George, you mean thing. How 
dare you? 

Fisher (laughing). Come — be a good little 
girl, Annie, look at me. 

Annie. I'll never look at you again, i 
don't ever want to see your face again. 

Fisher. You don't mean that. 

Annie. I do — I do — I hate you. 

Fisher. No, you don't. 

Annie. I do—I do ! 

Fisher (taking her hands). I know better 
than that. 

Annie. Don't exasperate me. Leave me 



ARE YOU A MASON? 91 

alone or I'll scratch your eyes out. (Struggles 
to free herself,) 

Fisher (counting on her fingers). She loves 
me, she loves me not, etc., she loves me. Now 
you can't go against that. (Annie laughs in 
spite of herself.) Stop your giggling. 

Annie (looking up in astonishment). Did 
you ever? 

Fisher. Put your arm around my neck. 

Annie. How dare you? 

Fisher. Hush! Now say, My darling George! 

Annie. I won't. 

Fisher. Hush! My darling— my onliest own 
George. 

Annie. You're an idiot! 

Fisher. I know it. When are we going to 
be married? 

Annie. Who told you I wanted to marry 
you? 

Fisher. Your little finger. 

Annie. George, why did you disguise your- 
self — ^to be near me? 

Fisher (fervently). Yes, darling, to be 
near you. 

Annie. You dear, sweet boy. 

Fisher (quickly). No — I can't lie to you-— 
I did it to help a friend — ^yx)u mustn't give us 
away. 

Annie. On one condition — ^that you take 
those things off to-day. 

Fisher. This instant — I'll tell Frank. 
(Goes L. up stage — to door). One more kiss. 
(Annie goes u.) You won't kiss your George ? 

Annie (goes h.). No- — not now. 

Fisher. Well, then, a farewell to Fanchon!' 
(French accent.) You'll never see her more! 



92 ARE YOU A MASON? 

Annie (goes to Fisher^. And slie was so 
nice. (They kiss,) 

(Enter Perry l.c J 

Perry (from music-room). Stop that! Ex- 
cuse me (turns away), I thought it was my 
wife. 

(Annie gives a little scream and exits, runs off 

R.2.; 

(Fisher m.akes a dash for the door r. 2.^ 

Perry (after him). Where are you going? 

Fisher. Home— to get back into my trous- 
ers. 

Perry (grabs him by the skirt). Hold on, 
old man- — ^take your time— what about me? 

Fisher. That's none of my business ! Annie 
knows. 

Perry. What? 

Fisher, She won't say anything. By the 
way — ^the $20,000™ the old man is going to give 
to me before long. 

Perry. After you get it you can do as you 
please— but until you get it you will have to 
keep on your skirts. 

Fisher. I won't do anything of the kind. 
(Tries to get aivay.) 

Perry (still holding to his skirts), A bar- 
gain's a bargain, and unless you stick to yours, 
ril give the whole plot away and you can say 
good-bye to Annie. 

Fisher. And that's your gratitude after all 

I've done for you — getting into the da 

things. (Goes down R.) Confound it, I'm dy- 
ing for a smoke and a drink. 



ARE YOU A MASON? 93 

Perry. fHere's a cigar ! (Gives cigar,) There 
are matches! 

Fisher (Bus., he tries to strike match on 
seat of pants—can't' — then sole of boot — can't 
stoop. Perry says ''Allow me/' strikes match, 
hands it to Fishes-— /le sits chair R., lighting 
his cigar). By the way, don't forget the girls 
insist on going to the reception to-morrow eve- 
ning. (Going up stage,) 

Perry. If it comes to the worst Fll take to 
my bed, and you can nurse me. 

Fisher (enjoying his cigar— leans against 
dining-room d.oor) , I'll nurse you all right. 

Perry. George, be a lady— you should not 
smoke before a gentleman. 

Fisher. V/ell, I'll show you what kind of 
lady I am — I'm going to have a (crosses h.) 
highball. 

Perry. You are a lady! (Crosses E,) 

Fisher. A lady ! A perfect lady ! 

(Exit L.C. into music-room,) 

Perry. If I'm ever admitted to a masonic 
lodge no ordeals can have any terror for me 
after this ! 

(Enter Lottie r.2.) 

Lottie. Mr. Morrison. 

(Enter MORRISON R.2) 

Morrison. Hallo, Perry. 
Perry (absent-mindedly). Hallo, you've 
come about the plans? 
Morrison. Not to-day — Lulu and I 



94 ARE YOU A MASON? 

Perry. Oih— ah — exactly! Now I remember 
— you want to marry Lulu— you're looking for 
trouble too. Well, how are you getting on? 

Morrison. That's just what I want to know. 
Mrs. Bloodgood certainly spoke as if — — 

Perry. Oh, she is on your side? Then the 
thing is as good as settled. You may get your 
''Bless you, my boy — ^^take her and be happy" 
at any time — depend upon it. That's the way 
it was with me. (Shaking his hand cordially.) 
Let me congratulate you. 

Morrison (smiling). Thanks! I haven't got 
Mr. Bloodgood's consent yet— but as we are 
both ACTIVE MASONS, he won't put any obstacles 
in our path. 

Perry. Masons. (Goes to him.) Morrison, 
an angel has sent you to me. You must help 
me. 

XBoth go L.> 

Morrison. With the greatest of pleasure — 
how? 

Perry. In your capacity as a mason. 

Morrison (astonished). Why, you're a ma- 
son yourself. 

Perry (embarrassed) . Certainly — ahem — 
that is to say— there's no harm in confessing it 
to you. I intend to become a mason but — I 
haven't been admitted yet — in fact my applica- 
tion isn't sent in. 

Morrison. But what induced you to pass 
yourself for one? 

Perry. Well, you see, in the first place, 
there was my wife to whom I had promised it. 
(Crosses R.) Now, don't laugh — after you're 
married you'll find it's nothing to laugh at. 






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ARE YOU A MASON? 95 

Secondly, there's my father-in-law— you know 
I want to get the money from him for the ex- 
tension 

Morrison (laughs). I see — and you thought 
you'd work him for the good of the order? 

Perry. Yes, and now, to clap the climax- 
comes that infernal ladies' reception I'm 

hopelessly lost if you don't 

Morrison. I understand— and I'll help you. 

Perry (delighted). You're a brick— if you 
should ever have any trouble with Lulu, I'll do 
■as much for you. (Going up c.) 

Morrison (laughing). 1 hope it will never 
come to that. 

Perry. There's no telling what will happen 
when a man's married. 

(Lottie appears at R.2.) 

Lottie. Mistah Perry, sorr, ye're wanted at 
the telephone downstairs. 
^ Perry (crosses to rJ. All right— I'm com- 
mg! (Exit Lottie E.2. To MoRRiso:^r.; Then 
I can depend on you? 

Morrison. Of course— aren't masons pledg- 
ed to mutual help? 

Perry. You'll excuse me then. 

(Exit R. 2.) 

(Enter Bloodgood r.i.J 

Bloodgood (aside). I'd better lie low for a 
little while. (Sees Morrison.; Do you wish to 
see my son-in-law? 

Morrison. I suppose I have the pleasure of 
speakmg to Mr. Bloodgood? Allow me to in- 



96 ARE YOU A MASON? 

troduce myself— Mrs. Bloodgood has probably 
spoken to you about me~Morrison— -Ernest 
Morrison. 

Bloobgood. Jehosaphat! Then you're the — 
mason ? 

Morrison. Yes, my dear Master. 

Bloodgood (noticing it.) Hasn't icnj wife 
given you an answer yet? 

Morrison. No, Mr. Bloodgood. The happi- 
ness of two people depend on your decision. 

Bloodgood (jollies him.) You seem to be a 
nice fellow- — I believe I can safely confide in 
you. (Looks at him critically.) My dear Mr. 
Morrison, please sit down. (Gets chair from 
hack.) My dear Mr. Morrison. (Morrison 
sits on sofa L. Bloodgood puts chair r. of 
sofa h.) Sit down — oh, you are sitting. I like 
your looks and if Lulu shares your feelings— — 

Morrison. I venture to say that she does. 

Bloodgood. Then, as I have said, I see no 
objection to your suit. 

Morrison (jumps up delighted). My dear 
sir! (Rises.) 

Bloodgood (forcing him hack into seat). Sit 
down, I have a confession to make to you. 

Morrison (astonished). Confession? 

Bloodgood (looking round Unxiously). Vm 
not a mason at all ! 

Morrison (dumbfounded). What? Aren't 
any of you masons? 

Bloodgood. I'll give it up. 

Morrison. But why, if I may ask, have you 
passed yourself off for a member of the order? 

Bloodgood (embarrassed). Well— you see 
— it's a long story — I promised my wife, some 
twenty years ago, to join, and somehow never 
found time. 



ARE YOU A MASON ? 97 

Morrison. I see. 

Bloodgood (embarrassed). Yes — ^it often 
happens that way. Now, I've got a favor to 
ask of you. To-morrow will be the ladies' night 
at the Lodge— I wanted to ask your assistance. 

Morrison (smiling). I understand, sir. 

Bloodgood (admiringly). You're very quick 
to catch the idea. 

Morrison. I'm getting used to it — I mean — 

Bloodgood (delighted). You're a good fel- 
low, I can see that. (Struck by a sudden idea.) 
I'll tell you what Morrison. You must put me 
up — we expect to settle in New York soon. 

Morrison. I shall be delighted ! And to pre- 
vent your changing your mind let me have par- 
ticulars at once — ^name, address, age and pro- 
fession. 

Bloodgood Morrison, (rise) I'll do it! 
(Puts back chair.) I'll do it on the spot — I'll 
go and write it down for you; wait a minute, 
I'll be back directly. (Pats him on back.) My 
boy, you're a brick. (Shakes hands with Mor- 
rison repeatedly, then turns and makes a few 
comic signs without a smile.) Morrison, you're 
all right. 

(Exit into music-room L.c.^ 

Morrison. Thank goodness — now I've got 
both father and mother — ^the next thing is to 
find Lulu and tell her of our good luck. (Turns 
to go.) 

(Enter Mrs. Bloodgood r.i., sees him.) 

Mrs. Bloodgood. Mr. Morrison ! 



98 ARE YOU A MASON? 

Morrison (goes to her—radiant), Mrs. 
Bloodg'ood I've come to 

Mrs. Bloodgood (coolly), I know wliat 
youVe come for, but I'm sorry to inform you 
that a marriage between you and Lulu is out 
of the question. 

Morrison (dumfounded). Why? 

Mrs. Bloodgood (embarrassed). My hus- 
band is strongly opposed— — ~ 

Morrison (more and more amazed). Your 
husband! (Looks off at music-room,) 

Mrs. Bloodgood. Yes. He told me certain 
things about you — which made me— I mean us, 
— ^come to the conclusion that we could not with 
a clear conscience approve of the match, I am 
very sorry, but— 

(Enter Bloodgood from music-room with paper 
in his hand,) 

Bloodgood. Now that's attended to. (De- 
lighted- — sees his wife, starts and quickly hides 
paper^— aside.) The devil \ 

Mrs. Bloodgood. My husband will explain 
everything to you. (With a cool how.) Excuse 
me, please. 

(Exit R.I.^ 

Morrison (angrily). What does this mean, 
Mr. Bloodgood? It seems you have been telling 
your wife things about me which 

Bloodgood (grasps the situation). Oh, you 
mean those things? Why, those were merely 

harmless stories I invented in order to 

(Goes L.; 



ARE YOU A MASON? 99 

Morrison. To what? I am very curious to 
hear. 

Bloodgood. Come to my room— v^^e'll talk it 
over there— I've sneaked a bottle of whiskey— 
I wanted to drown my sorrows 

(Both go up stage R.^ 

Morrison (smiling). Sorrows? 

Bloodgood (taking Morrison's arm). Come 
on-— you'll soon be a member of the family and 
then you'll know all about it anyway— it's about 
a new daughter— 

Morrison. A new daughter? At your time 
of life? 

Bloodgood. Oh, no— she dates a long way 
back. Come on, 

(Exeunt R.c.> 

(Lottie enters and looks round,) 

Lottie. It's not here the masther is. (Goes 
to door R.I. calling in) Mrs. Perry— Mrs. Perry, 
where are yez? 

(Eva enters r.i.e. ivith Mrs. Bloodgood and 
Fisher from d.r. smoking cigar,) 

Mrs. Bloodgood (knitting). What's the 
matter, Lottie? 

(Fisher comes down R. Mrs. Bloodgood 

catches sight of him, he tries to retreat.) 

Mrs. Bloodgood. Ah, Fanchon, you're just 



100 ARE YOU A MASON? 

the girl I wanted to see. (Sniffs,) Do you smell 
smoke ? 

Fisher (who has hidden cigar and comes c, 
sniffs,) Yes ; does madam smoke ? 

Mrs. Bloodgood. Certainly not. 

Fisher. In my country ladies often smoke. 

Mrs. Bloodgood. Not in mine. (Fisher 
drops cigar in fish globe, L. corner.} Come 
here, let me see how much you know about 
knitting. (Takes Fisher, gives him knitting 
— he sits on sofa h,) Now put this under your 
arm. (Places knitting.) Now take this in that 
hand, and this in the other-— and now you take 
two up and one down. 

Fisher. Two up and one down. 

Eva (has spoken to Lottie meanwhile.) You 
say a policeman wants to speak to Mr. Perry? 
Well, show him in. 

Lottie (tvith a groan). The Saints guard 
us, they are after him ! 

Eva. After whom? 

Lottie. The masther. 

Eva (with a start). What for? 

LOTTLE. Sure an^ he's a freemason, ain't he ? 

Eva (annoyed). Oh, nonsense — ask the man 
in. 

Lottie (going tearfully). Didn't I know it, 
whin me big toe ached me ahl mornin'. (Shows 
in Policeman then,) 

(Exits R.2 shaking her head,) 

Policeman. Is Mr. Frank Perry in? 

Eva. My husband is out. 

Policeman. Are you Mrs. Perry? 

Eva. Yes. 

Policeman. Then I can hand it to you just 



ARE YOU A MASON? 101 

as well. (Hands her official-looking document.) 
This is a summons for your husband to appear 
at the Police Court to-morrow morning. Good- 
day, ma'am. 

(Exit R.2.; 

Eva (reads), 'Trank Perry — assault — Police 
Court." (Fisher whistles.) What can my 
husband have to do with the police? 

Mrs. Bloodgood (drily). It is your duty, as 
his wife, to find out. 

Eva (between sobs), Frank is deceiving me 
—instead of going to the Lodge he has been 
running about the streets — goodness knows in 
what company. 

Mrs. Bloodgood (sharply). Nothing about 
men surprises me any more — but I'll attend to 
him! 

(Perry enters R.2 with pretended unconcern, 

Fisher telegraphs to him behind Mrs. 
Bloodgood's hack,) 

Perry. Lottie tells me a policeman was here 
just now. What did he want? 

Mrs. Bloodgood. You know what he want- 
ed! (Holds document open before his eyes,) 
And we know too ! 

Perry (with a forced laugh). Somebody's 
been getting himself into trouble, eh? 

Eva (sorrowfully — goes to him). So you've 
deceived me — ^me, who trusted you so implic- 
itly. 

Mrs. Bloodgood. But you've made your 
reckoning without the host! 



102 ARE YOU A MASON? 

Perry. Dearest Eva, don't you think— 

Mrs. Bloodgood (indignantly). Of course 
you'll try to lie out of this! (Points to docu- 
ment.) 

Perry (with a nervous laugh), 'Ha — aha— 
ha! 

Fisher (enjoying the situation— aside) . I'd 
give something to know how. (Laughs.) 

Mrs. Bloodgood (sternly, to Fisher^. I 
don't see anything to laugh at. Knit ! 

Fisher. Nit. 

(He does so frantically,) 

Perry. Let me tell you — -ha, ha, ha- — the 
funny part of it is, that it wasn't me at all ! 

Eva. Not you? 

Mrs. Bloodgood (with a sneer). I suppose 
3^ou think we've forgotten how to read ! (Hold- 
ing up document,) What is that? Does it say 
''Frank Perry" or doesn't it? 

Perry. It does— -but—er— it was somebody 
else who took my name. 

Eva (goes to Perry, crosses to and fro). Do 
you expect me to believe that? 

Mrs. Bloodgood (scomfidly). And who was 
the culprit, if you please? The great unknown, 
I suppose! 

Perry (regaining his composure) , Oh, no, 
mother. He called on me yesterday and ex- 
plained the whole matter. The fact is — he was 
—er — a little — under the weather, and when 
they asked him for his name — he gave a card, 
which — er—happened to be mine — er- — and — 
er— -then 

Fisher (aside). He woke up! 

Perry. He — er — he apologized to me — what 



ARE YOU A MASON ? 103 

could I say under the circumstances ? 

Mrs. Bloobgood (ironically). And what is 
the name of this friend of yours ? 

Eva. Yes, what is his name? (Rises, to Rj 

Perry. Oh — you want to know his name. 
(As if trying to recall it J What is his name — - 
er — er — ^his name is — -(sees Fisher, who is 
laughing at him.) George Fisher! 

Fisher (forgetting himself, jumps up), I? 
Eva ) (look at Fisher in amaze- 

and } r/ient) 

Mrs. Bloodgood ' What? 

Fisher (quickly recovering- — resumes his 
assumed voice) , I — I dropped one of the stitch- 
es ! (Look on floor for it.) 

Mrs. Bloodgood (decisively). You'll have to 
produce that gentleman, and very promptly, 
too, before I believe one word of this story. 
(Cross up stage to R.2.) 

Eva. Yes — ^^and if you can't clear yourself 
from this accusation, I shall apply for a sepa- 
ration. (To door R.2.) 

(Mrs. Bloodgood goes up und off with her, 
condoling with her. Both exeunt R.2.) 

Fisher (throws down his knitting, excited-— 
goes to PerryJ. Confound you, how dare you 
drag my nam_e into an affair of this kind ? 

Perry. I couldn't think of any other. 

Fisher (crosses R.>. That doesn't do me any 
good. 

Perry. George, do me a favor — be a man 
again — just for a quarter of an hour— so I can 
introduce you to them. 

Fisher. I'll be hanged if I let you make a 
cat's paw of me any longer. 



104 ARE YOU A MASON ? 

Perry (up and down — imploringly), George, 
like a good fellow 

Fisher (calming down). Can't you find 
somebody else to impersonate me? 

Perry (crosses Rj. No, on account of Lot- 
tie — she knows you — she'd give the whole thing 
away. Hang it, man, you were in such a deuce 
of a hurry a while ago to get back into your 
trousers. 

Fisher. Ah, that was different! What will 
Annie think of me? Imagine her feelings — ^her 
future husband indicted for disorderly con- 
duct I 

Perry (dragging him off up Rj. Come on — 
ril send for your clothes. 

Fisher. Don't you smile (Expostulate 

ing,) 

(Both exeunt quickly R.2) 

(Bloodgood and Morrison enter from R. c. 
arm-in-arm,) 

Bloodgood (in very good humor). Well, Mor- 
rison, it's all settled, eh? 

Morrison. Depend on me ! (In doorway.) 

Bloodgood. But be off now, my wife might 
suspect, if she saw us together. 

Morrison. Good-bye! 

(Exit R.2) 

Bloodgood (slightly elated). Thank the 
Lord my troubles are over at last. I feel like 
another man. Ha, ha, they have got to get up 
pretty early to catch me napping! 



ARE YOU A MASON ? 105 

(Halton enters R.2.) 

Halton. Good evening — how are you? 
Bloodgood (aside). That old bore again! 
(Crosses, goes Rj 

Halton. I gave my wife the slip so as to 
have a couple of hours* quiet chat with you 
about the Lodge. I want you to give me a few 
points about the initiation. 

Bloodgood (up and down stage impatiently.) 
CanU you wait till the time comes ? We haven't 
got as far as that yet. 

Halton (reproachfully). Whose fault is it? 
Yours ! You haven't put me through the second 
test — I'm prepared for the most severe ordeal, 
no matter how hard it is. 

Bloodgood. Oh — are you? Then— (advanc- 
ing to him with dignity) Can you keep your 
mouth shut for one hour? 

Halton. Yes. 

Bloodgood. That will be your second test. 

Halton. (Buttonholes Bloodgood.^ Oh! is 
that all ? Well, it's as good as done. 

(Bloodgood goes round sofa l. Halton fol- 
lows.) 

H's easy enough for me to hold my tongue. 

(Bloodgood tries to get away from him, walks 
around sofa, Halton follows him.) 

If I were one of those talkative fellows now, 
that would be different — but I'm all right. This 
house might collapse, the world come to an end, 
or you might stand on your head in order to 



106 ARE YOU A MASON? 

get me to talk— -you wouldn't succeed, I tell you 
that at once, I've — — 

Bloodgood (takes out Ms ivatch, Halton 
takes out his and compares, and puts his finger 
to Halton's lips). Hush — ^the test has begun. 

(Halton puts hand over mouth in sign of si- 
lence, and makes sign as before,) 

(Aside,) That must be a new one. 

(Halton sits sofa h,) 

Remember, one hour. 

(Halton settles comfortably on sofa L, and 
picks up a book, Bloodgood lights a cigar. 
Enter Mrs. Halton — somewhat countrified 
in appearance.) 

Mrs. Halton (c.) Good afternoon, sir. Ex- 
cuse me, is my husband here ? Why, there he is ! 
I thought as much (To Halton.^ Did you 
have your talk about the Lodge with Mr. Blood- 
good? Why don't you introduce me? 

Halton (silently shakes his head) , Um— - — 

Mrs. Halton (amazed). What's the matter 
— ^why don't you answer me? 

Halton CsameBus.^. Um 

Mrs. Halton (goes to Bloodgood^. For 
goodness' sake — what's the matter with my 
husband ? 

Bloodgood (suppressing his merriment). I 
can't make it out — ^he's been sitting like that 
for half an hour. 

Mrs. Halton. My husband? His tongue gen- 
erally goes like a windmill ! 



ARE YOU A MASON ? 107 

^ Bloodgood. It is funny. But I hope our com- 
bined efforts will be successful in restoring- his 
powers of speech to him. What would you sug- 
gest? Shall I kick him? 

Mrs. Halton (goes to Halton, endearing- 
ly), John — Johnnie, dear! Don't you know 
your little wife? (After a pause— angrily.) You 
old idiot! (In despair crosses E.) What is the 
matter? He's a changed man. At home, I have 
only to ask him the 'least little thing, and he'll 
answer at once, "What is it Angeline?" 

Bloodgood (with a start). What name did 
you say? 

Mrs. Halton. Angeline. My name is An- 
geline. 

Bloodgood (very excited). And your maiden 
name? 

Mrs. Halton. Fichu! 

Bloodgood (looks at her wildly). Ange-line! 
Then you are not dead? 

Mrs. Halton (astonished). Why should I 
be dead? 

Bloodgood. She lives ! Angeline lives ! ! 
Hurrah I ! ! I must kiss you ! (Rushes towards 
her: chases her round table R., she putting 
chairs in his way — she seeks shelter behind 
husband.) 

Mrs. Halton. Are you crazy? 

Bloodgood. Why, Angeline, don't you know 
me? I'm your Amos. 

Mrs. Halton (incredulously, comes forward 
h.C.), Little Amos Bloodgood? 

Bloodgood. Yes— to whom you wrote you 
were going to kill yourself. 

Mrs. Halton. Is it possible? 

Bloodgood (delighted). But you didn't kill 
yourself, did you? 



108 ARE YOU A MASON? 

Mrs. iHalton. No, I thought better of it! 

Halton. He's trying his best, but he can't 
make me talk 

Bloodgood. And what do you think? Such 
a coincidence — Fanchon is here! 

Mrs. Halton. Fanchon? 

Bloodgood. Don't you know — my — ^your— 
our Fanchon I Our daughter ! ! ! 

Mrs. Halton (indignantly). Excuse me — 
this is carrying the joke too far! (Crosses, goes 

Halton (laughing aside), A daughter, too! 
He's making the most desperate efforts — but it 
won't work. 

Bloodgood. You take a load from my heart. 
Oh, Angeline, I'm so happy ! I must tell my wife 
— won't she be surprised. (Calling off,) Caro- 
line — ^Caroline! 

(Rushes off R.2.) 

Halton (aside). He is going to get rein- 
forcements. 

Mrs. Halton (goes savagely to Halton j. 
And you sit there like a dummy, while your wife 
is being insulted. Speak, John, say something — 
I shall do something to you! 

(Halton takes out his ivatch and shrugs his 
shoulders tries to explain in 'pantomime that 
he cannot speak,) 

(Wrings her hands in despair). Oh, I shall go 
crazy I 

(Up stage then hack of sofa to Halton — up and 

down.) 



ARE YOU A MASON? 109 

(Bloodgood re-enters, R.2., much excited, 
dragging Mrs. Bloodgood after him,) 

Bloodgood. tOome on, Carrie, come on ! 

Mrs. Bloodgood (struggling). What is the 
matter with you Amos ? 

Bloodgood (dramatically). Now, you shall 
see what an injustice you have been doing me 
for twenty years! (Points to Mrs. Halton.) 
Look! Do you know who that is? 

Mrs. Bloodgood (coldly), I have not the 
pleasure — 

Bloodgood. It is the dead — ^Angeline — er^ — 
I mean, the one we thought was dead — the one 
whose bones youVe raked up every day. 

Halton (aside, holding his sides with laugh- 
ter,) A regular dime novel. 

Mrs. Bloodgood (with a sneer), I suppose 
you got some one to come here and palm herself 
as Angeline? Mercy me! Have I got into a 
lunatic asylum? (Go up h.) 

Bloodgood (to Mrs. Halton;. You disown 
your daughter? Then let the voice of nature 
speak ! (Goes quickly to door R. 2 and calls,) 
Come here a moment, Fanchon ! 

(Fisher enters unconcerned in man's clothes,) 

Bloodgood, Here, madam, is your daughter ! 

Mrs. Halton (alarmed). My — daughter? 

Mrs. Bloodgood (gazing at Fisher in sur- 
prise). Why, that's — ^that's 

Halton (unable to restrain his laughter), I 
shall choke! (Buries his head in cushions and 
kicks his legs), 

Fisher. I beg your pardon 

Bloodgood (in amazement to Fisher; . A 



110 ARE YOU A MASON? 

man ! (Bewildered and scared,) How did you 
get in? 

Fisher (very much embarrassed), I— -I-— 
wanted — -I had— a— am 

Bloodgood. You are— this marvelous like- 
ness ! Confess it ! You are her brotherl 

Fisher (desperately). Yes— her twin bro- 
ther! 

Bloodgood (with a cry). Her twin! Ange- 
line, we've got twins ! (Crosses h.) 

(Halton slaps himself, doubles up on sofa, 
nearly killing himself with laughter,) 

Mrs. Halton. Twins ---(Enraged,) This is 
too much! 

Mrs. Bloodgood. I should say it was— a new 
child every day! 

Mrs. Halton. I can't stand this any longer ! 
(Rushes to Halton with clinched fists). Speak 
— ^or I shall slap you ! 

(Mrs. Bloodgood goes up stage,) 

(Perry enters R.2., talking to EvA> 

Perry. Certainly — you shall convince your- 
self ! (Sees Fisher.) Ah, there he is! My dear 
Eva, mother, allow me to introduce to you Mr. 
George Fisher-— the friend whose existence you 
denied. 

(Enter Annie and Lulu r.2> 

Bloodgood (jumping up). George Fisher! 
Annie's actor chap! (Rise,) 

Lulu. Annie— look! (Points to Fisher.J 



ARE YOU A MASON ? Ill 

Annie (pretends surprise). It is extraord- 
inary. 

Mrs. Bloodgood. What does all this mean? 

(Morrison has entered R. 2. unnoticed and 
stands up stage watching the scene srailing 
— comes doiunj 

Morrison. Permit me to explain, ladies. As 
a mason I understand at once that all this had 
been arranged by our Worshipful Master 
(points to Bloodgood^ as a test for the new 
mason, Mr. Halton. 

(All look at Bloodgood.^ 

Bloodgood (going to c. — has recovered his 
equanimity— somewhat impressively). Er— of 
course, brother Morrison understands it. 
Didn't I arrange it capitally? None of you had 
the least suspicion. 

(Annie crosses to Fisher, Eva to Perry.; 

Halton (with his watch in hand — taps 
Bloodgood on the shoulder smilingly). With 
one exception Master ! ! (Proudly to the others) 
He's been carrying on for an hour to get me to 
speak, but John Halton knows how to keep his 
mouth shut ! (Goes to lu.) 

Mrs. Bloodgood. I take it all back, Amos- 
forgive me! I shall be the proudest woman at 
the ladies' reception to-morrow night. 

(Bloodgood coughs wamingly.) 

Morrison. I am sorry, Mrs. Bloodgood, but 



112 ARE YOU A MASON? 

the reception has been postponed. 

Lulu i 

Eva > (together). That's too bad! 

Annie j 

Bloodgood (cheerfully,) Never mind, chil- 
dren, we'll have a little reception at home to 
welcome a new member into the family, Mr. 
Morrison. 

Mrs. Bloodgood.. What'! After all you told 
me about him. 

Bloodgood (quickly). Oh, that was a cousm 
of his who went to Canada. 

Mrs. Bloodgood (to Morrison and Lulu;. 
Then I withdraw my opposition. (Joins their 
hands ) 

Perry (aside to Bloodgood;. Well, Master, 
how about the $20,000 Fanchon was to get? 

Fisher. Papa ! . , „ r. 

Bloodgood (aside to Perry;. You shall have 
it— it's worth that much to get rid of Ange- 

line. . , ^. \ 

Halton (Thumb in ear, wriggles fingers.) 

Master ! _ , 

Bloodgood. No, sir. Not in my Lodge. 



Curtain, 



ARE YOU A MASON? 113 

PROPERTY PLOT 

Act I 

Perfume Sipray (on mantel) 

Blue Prints (Morrison) 

Breakfast Tray, Coffee Pot, Rolls, etc. (Lottie) 

Note Book (Perry) 

Whiskey bottle and glass (Perry) 

Card case (Travers) 

Paper money (Perry) 

Paper money (Fisher) 

Letters (on desk) 

Photograph (on mantel) 

Books (in book case) 

2 Ti'a veiling bags (Eva) 

Mirror (over mantel) 

Telegram (Lottie) 

Auto horn (off R.) 

Act II 

Newspapers (Perry and Bloodgood) 
Cigars (Perry and Bloodgood) 
Matches (Perry) 

Whiskey bottle, glasses and seltzer (on sideboard in 
dining room) 

Check book (on desk) 

Manuscript of play (Travers) 

Plate of sandwiches, whiskey bottle and glass on tray 
(Eva) 

Act III 

Goldfish in bowl on pedestal. (Do not use live fish. 

They can be of tin or wood.) 
Sewing material (Eva, Fisher, Annie, Lulu) 
Sheet of paper (Bloodgood) 
Knitting material (Mrs, Bloodgood) 
Warrant (Police officer) 



114 ARE YOU A MASON? 

NOTES ON PRODUCTION 

Descriptions of dresses can be altered in accord with 
the latest fashions. 

Lively music at rise of each act to he kept forte 
■until curtain is well up; then gradually die off and 
cease. 

Lively music to begin pianissimo about four speeches 
before end of each act; gradually crescendo to forte at 
the finish. 

Lights full up on stage all during action of play. It 
will also help the play if lights are kept full up in the 
auditorium during action of play. 

As this play is pure farce it must be played very 
snaippily in order to get the full amusement out of the 
performance. 



Comedy In 3 acts. By Georgre S. Kaufman and Marc Con- 
nelly (with a bow to Franklin P. Adams), 8 males, 3 females. 
1 interior. Costumes, modem. Plays 2^4 hours. 

In her determination to help her husband and fidends Dulcy 
plans a week-end party. They are an ill-assorted group, such' 
as only a Dulciuea could summon about her. Their brief asso- 
ciation becomeEi a series of hilarious tragredies. It is Dulcy's 
final blunder which unexpectedly crowns her elf orts with success. 

Meanwhile she has all but ruined her husband's plans to 
put througrh a big' merger with a rich capitalist. Among: her 
Sruests is a rapturous scenario writer who conspires to elope 
with the daughter of the capitalist, who loathes motion pic-; 
tures. The rich young man from Newport, who Dulcy thinks 
may be useful in assisting the capitalist's wife to write for the 
films, turns out to be an escaped lunatic. The ex-convict butler 
steals a necklace. Everything goes wrong. But the most ex- 
quisite torture she inflicts is when she invites the scenario 
writer to recite one of his hectic plots to music played by the 
lunatic. It is with this that the play reaches its highest level 
of satirical fun. 

"Dulcy" ran for a season in New York, and Is now on tour 
throughout the United States and Canada. Royalty, $35.00. 
Price, 75 cents. 



Comedy in 3 acts, adapted by A. E. Thomas from the story 
by Alice Duer Miller. 6 males, 5 females. 3 interiors. Cos- 
tumes, modem. Plays 2% hours. 

"Come Out of the Kitchen," with Buth Chatterton in the 
leading role, made a notable success on its production by Henry 
Miller in New York. It was also a great success in London, .s. 
most inp:enious and entertaining comedy. We strongly recom- 
mend I'ii for am^ateur production. Koyalty, $35.00. Price, 75 
cents. 



Kempy 



Comedy in 3 acts, by J. ^. Nugent and Elliott Nugent. 4 
males, 4 females. 1 interior throughout. Costumes, modem. 
Plays 2% hours. 

The story is about a highfalutin daughter who in a fit of 
pique marries the young plumber-architect, who comes to fix 
the water pipe, just because he "understands" her, having- 
read her book and sworn to marry the authoress. But in that 
story lies all the humor that kept the audience laughing every 
second. 

The amateur acting rig-hts are reserved for the present in 
all cities and towns where there are stock companies. Royalty 
will be quoted on application for those cities and towns where 
it may be presented by amateurs. Price, 75 cents. 

SAMUEL FRENCH, 25 West 45th Street, New York City- 
New and Explicit Descriptive Catalogue Mailed 
Free on Request 









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